Cancer thoughts and fears
My thoughts regarding finding out I have Ovarian Cancer. Today, Tuesday..is a better day. The ports don’t hurt as much as they did yesterday. I’m nervous about receiving the chemo in my body for the first time next week. However, I will do this with the hope I’ll live for many more years…If you don’t want to read ignore and I’ll be adding fun posts as well.
What’s a woman to do…Cancer Part one..
What happens when at 61 you find out you have cancer for the second time? You go crazy in your mind…and of course you can’t tell anyone so you quietly fight the demons alone. Then slowly you begin talking, crying and facing your journey.
It started December 21, when I went to my primary doctor because I had a pain in my right side. I pretty much felt I had a kidney or gallstone. I did, however Dr. Shafik was not leaving it there. I hadn’t been in for a physical for almost two years so he ordered a pelvic and abdominal ultra sound. If it wasn’t for the tests, I wouldn’t have known I had cancer in my ovary and it probably would have gotten much worse and given me a lot less chance of survival. As my final diagnosis after surgery, was stage 3 B… Not the worse yet surely not the best. So after the Surgery which was grueling, I woke up with tubes in several places in my body, including my nose to my stomach, and what looked like a grenade hanging from the outside of my belly. That plus a catheter, oxygen and fluids from an IV, I felt like I was in another world here yet not really. However, each day became clearer and I managed to feel like I was normal enough to think about going home. I left the hospital a week and one day later. No tubes or Ivy’s it was empowering…
Cancer Part two Surgery done, and first weekend home.
January 28th, is significant, as my surgery is over and yesterday I returned home after staying with my brother and sister in law for the weekend. I had chosen to stay at their home in the event I would not be feeling well or needed any kind of monitoring from surgery. My sister Diane is a nurse, lives one house over and my brother and his wife were thrilled to have me spend the time. Gratefully, I’m feeling well, less the horrific gas from the gallbladder being removed. I’m still shocked; I’ve had little pain from the ovarian surgery. I literally stopped all meds within 3 or 4 days (it’s a little foggy) of the operation. I was very nauseated as they had a tube down my nose to my stomach and the stuff coming out was not aerated properly and kept making me sick. That was until a brilliant nurse and resident doctor decided to reevaluate, cut the hose, clear the airway, and away I went…nausea gone…and movement of the junk proficient…..
Imagine…a resident doctor and nurse who stepped up to the plate, corrected a problem and I was able to clear my stomach with much less time. I still have nausea to some extent, (very mild) however, I believe it’s because of the gas discomfort and the bloated stomach and intestine area …after all they took a foot of my bowel as well….This cancer sucks…..
So I’ve been diagnosed, had the surgery, made it through the first weekend with my husband and family, now Thursday, is the big day. I visit my Oncologist and we discuss my follow up treatment.
Some discussion regarding the chemo therapy..
There are many different types of chemo therapy and during my first lucid conversation with my doctor she said I was a candidate for an aggressive therapy. I would receive chemo twice a month verses once a month. Two med ports in my body…what the hell are those….? And the chemo would go directly into the area infected with the cancer. There could be side effects…. (I knew that)….and I’ll loose my hair…. (Knew that too)..
So once we discuss the options with my sister and husband Thursday, I’ll decide and go forward with the needed follow up treatments. She could start them as early as this Friday…I’d rather do it and get it over with……
I’ll keep you posted…
My best,
Dorothy from grammology
Remember to call gram
Updated
I begin my therapy Monday February. I received something on Monday, Tuesday and the following Monday. All of it seems overwhelming. I don’t know the technical terms as I do, I’ll add it to this blog…I have to take steroids Sunday night and Monday morning. This to help my body accept the chemo they will give in the ports. Then while there 3 to 4 hours one day and 4 to 5 hours the next day and 4 to 5 hours the following Monday. I share this as I think most of us are oblivious to what really happens. So I hope you find this interesting or just ignore it.. I find this terrifying…
My best…
PS Ports were surgically placed in my body on Monday they are miserable…however, the tip of the iceberg for what’s to come..oh well…
17 Responses to “Cancer thoughts and fears..”
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Dear old friend , It’s Wed. Night and I just read your blog, I just want to say -
God is Great and full of grace – He will see you through this – We have to talk. I guess you lost my address- I haven’t moved -how are we going to get together -I Emailed a note to youre business the other day, that was dumb – You are in my prayers.
Hi Dorothy, I’m thinking of you and keeping positive thoughts for your speedy healing and recovery.Thanks for dropping by recently. I am feeling good now. I think I have let go with love and I am just trusting now that all will be well. With you too!
Diane, call M J Peterson 716 689 4155 and tell them who you are ..leave your number and I’ll call..yes with all my moves I lost your address and number…can’t wait to hear from you…
Joh, how nice to hear your on the mend..your pain and fear is no less then mine. Life gives us so much difficulty..we have our blogs to vent with..Truly a gift…thanks for stopping…I really enjoy our friendships….Dorothy
You are such a trooper. Keep up the positive attitude.
We are friends always and I am just a phone call away!
Love ya, Kelly
Dorothy,
Please email me. I belong to a wonderful group I would like to tell you about. Plus I would like to give you my home number in case your need to talk. As a two time cancer gal myself, I can offer my shoulder to lean on and tell you about many things I have learned in my recent battle. My prayers go out to you and yours and I send healing energy your way. Stay strong, fight hard and don’t lose your spirit.
Randie
I’m so sorry that you are going through this! It sounds so painful and scary! Hang in there!
Peggy I started reading The Secret again, and I’m on my way to a very positive attitude. Thanks for your support..
Dorothy
Dorothy, best of luck with the chemo. I’m sure it won’t be easy but you are a survivor. And having the chemo go directly into the affected area is supposed to be much more effective from what I’ve read, so it sounds as if you are getting state-of-the-art treatment, which is great news. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.
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Hi Dorothy:
I just stumbled upon your blog today through another one and am now convinced I was sent here for a reason. I have breast cancer and finished chemo last month. I am now starting radiation. One of my best friends was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on the same day I was with BC. We went through chemo together, for the most part. She just finished 8 cycles and is doing really well. It’s a tough road, but just stay focused on the end result…c-u-r-e.
I know how overwhelming this all is, but I promise you that you’ll get through it. Please be good to yourself and see the chemo as ‘good stuff’ that is taking away the enemy. That really helped me.
If you ever need to talk, please feel free to email me.
Good luck and know that good healing thoughts and prayers are coming your way!
Keep on clinging to that hope inside of you. You are stronger than this cancer!!!! I truly believe that you will help other women through sharing your story!
Hi Dorothy! One of my bestfriends finally confirmed she also had breast cancer last Monday. I can only imagine it’s hard, and feel sad… but I do recognize it’s toughest for you.
One of the Secret teachers said (on having illness), it’s like looking at a glass whether you see it as half-full or half-empty. When you have an illness, do you see yourself as still alive, or sick?
Anyhoo, I really wrote just to wish you happy valentines day! I hope you’ll be surrounded by love and joy.
it is valentines day and I want you to know you are in my thoughts everyday and that i love you. linda
Everyone, this is my first response since chemo last week. I don’t want to seem dramatic however, it was much more then I could have ever anticipated. So, I’ve not eaten, not drank, can’t hold up my head until today. I look like death warmed over..not a good thing. My sister keeps taking my picture. She’s a nurse and I think I’ll refer to her as nurse with the stick. She continues to make me try to eat, get up shower you know the drill. She stayed last week, and ls heading back this morning to check me out. My husband had been very patient. I’m shocked at how well he adjusted to being a care giver. I’m very blessed and very sad for anyone who doesn’t have this support.. I’ll try to write more later. This is amazing that I got to write this. Back to the bed..I feel dizzy again..I’m so tired of the lack of control. What I want to say is don’t throw me out with the bath water…..I’ll be back and with a lot to say, hoping it’ll prepare my friends and readers.
Thank you for your love, patience, kind words, and Wendy, I see what your doing on my site…thank you..it did not go unrecognized. I hope for everything I’ve been given, wished, or prayed for…(most important) when I’m better, I can give it back. I’m not proof reading sorry if there are mistakes. My heart to you guys..thanks..Dorothy
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