Question, do women give up the great husbands, waiting for the so called soul mate that makes you tingle when you see him? Your heart races, and your body is longing for the next intimate encounter. Is this lust, and can that it be translated into a sound relationship or marriage?

If we knew the answer there would be a lot of happier marriages. Based on the women I’ve spoken too the answer is unclear. There are relationships that started out with the chemistry running wild. However, they concentrated on becoming friend’s giving each other space, getting to know the passion and needs of each other and in the long term, building a stronger union. Did you ever hear that marrying your best friend is not a bad idea? The old adage birds of a feather flock together is not just a saying. If you or your partner share similar lifestyles it has to make your life together easier.

Ask yourself what makes you happy. Is it walking in the park, going out to casual dinners? Does your partner enjoy the same things? Or is he a fisherman who heads out into the wilderness to catch dinner and eat it over an open fire, sleeping under the stars in a tent or sleeping bag. It’s important you have the same dreams for a home, and how it fits in your lifestyle. If he wants to live in the city and you the suburbs or is he a wanderer who doesn’t think roots is part of his life. Better decide if you can enjoy the same way of life. You can bet there will be trouble in paradise if your desires aren’t well matched to the man your choosing to spend a lifetime with. Being with someone you can trust and love or someone who needs his freedom and no responsibility would get old quickly so think it through before you make your commitment. Lust and excitement don’t buy housing, food or clothes for your existence. Be prudent, and don’t make rash or quick judgments. Here are a few other things you might want to discuss before you get serious.

Talk about how you feel about having children, and when you might want this to occur in your life or marriage.

If you will work and contribute to the household expenses, or if you have a career what your partner expects of your work habits. Determining who will pay for what is very important. Today, finances can be separate each paying for their own. This should be clear and known before you marry in order to prevent problems later.

Will you be happy in an apartment, or a farm with animals and vast amounts of land? Are you both willing to work toward that dream home whatever it is?

Who will do the household tasks, determining what you expect from your partner. Cleaning up after each other or if you’ll both share the chores or hire a housekeeper.

Dinner or meal times, how often you like to go out, or will you or your spouse do the cooking. Sharing what your idea of cooking and having meals together, using the time to communicate and strengthen the relationship.

Family, discuss how siblings and parents fit into your lives and what the commitments will be. Celebrating Christmas and holidays tends to be a stressful time knowing what to expect can help keep things moving smoothly.

If there are children from previous relationships what is expected.

So the chemistry can be hot and fiery. The few things we mention above are just that some of the issues which when the intimacy is over…need to be determined in order to have a long and strong commitment to each other.

It’s been noted the guy with the fire in his soul, will warm you for the moment however, doesn’t want an obligation. He needs to see the world, through his eyes, loves life more then he loves you and may not be capable of keeping a job. Are you willing to carry the brunt of the finances? Be the stable person in the family for those hot smoky times he makes you tingle. My discussions with women of all types indicate we need stability, affection and commitment. And at least equal help in getting on with life and the everyday details of surviving.

When we turn our backs we want to know he won’t cheat and if we’re down and out he’ll be there to pick us up and assist us back to reality. Is this sounding more like a good friend verses a hot shot. Who although is a good looking, smooth talking, Don Juan, moves on when things get tough. I’ll bet we are better off taking the guy who is comfortable in whom he is. He’s kind, loves his family. Respects his friends and has a great job. Has thought about his future and already knows what he wants and needs to be happy. Maybe he doesn’t make you tingle when he smiles, or doesn’t seem to have that adventure in him we see in the movies. But behind closed doors, he’s there for you. You’re feeling the same for him. And every once in awhile, you plan that romantic mystery dinner or weekend, and you light the fire, pour the wine and maybe you have the chemistry, adventure and fire as well for those moments. Just maybe it takes planning and working together to learn how to keep each other happy. Just like friends do when they call each other and say..Remember that trip we took a few years ago had a ball shopping, dining and just talking. Want to do that again? And you respond sure.. So instead try treating your husband or partner like a friend and see where it takes you. What can you loose or I mean how much fun you could have. Forget the magic with that reckless good looking guy that is momentary and fleeting. Make your own with the man you love who will be there when you want or need him. It really makes more sense and doesn’t seem to take much to make the smarter choice…

I mean really, I know what I’d do.

My best,

Dorothy

 

5 Responses to “Who should we pick for our Partners, Passion or Stability”

1. Mauigirl on February 9th, 2008 at 4:21 am

   Great post and advice. My husband is my best friend and we share interests and have the same lifestyle preferences in terms of what we like to do, how we like to do things, and the pace we prefer. All of those things are more important than the “fire” that later goes out.

2. grammolo on February 9th, 2008 at 3:35 pm

   Mauigirl, thank you and I hope we can get this message out..With the disgusting press with the Hilton’s, and the Spears I’m afraid our youngest generation is very confused as to what to focus on for their life partner..

   Lets keep the information coming in different forms and opinions.

   Thanks, Dorothy

3. FENICLE on February 10th, 2008 at 12:42 am

   What a wonderful post with Valentine’s Day this coming week. I think you’ve inspired a post within me! Thank you!! I’m going to link to yours when I get it formed.

   As for marriage – I dated a variety of guys and although I may have had the passion or the best friend, none seemed to be the one I could count on for the long-haul. In the end I met a wonderful guy who was the perfect combination. Sure, sometimes our relationship is more passionate and sometimes it’s more about being a friend. I believe our relationship has been tested over the past few years (after my car accident) and if there is anything I know – it’s that I can count on him. No matter what.

   Hope you are doing well! I keep you in my daily prayers!!!

4. Robin on February 12th, 2008 at 11:19 pm

   Dorth,
   You really do have some great topics!!! I think it’s a combination of both…recently married, my husband has become more my friend and partner than this really exciting thing going on in my life. BUT, I still get a little pitter-pat when it’s his name that appears on my caller ID….I think we’ve lost a little of the passion, and that’s where you’re right: you have to plan some nice nights or getaways…but he is truly my friend, supports me and we have fun together….
   Lots of good thoughts…
   Take care of yourself…hope you’re feeling okay!
   love,
   Robin

5. lizzie on February 20th, 2008 at 3:16 am

   Dorothy-
   Great advice. Where were you 10 years ago? – I could have used this advice then for sure. Ah, older and WISER now…. I have been thinking so much about you – I hope you are well and thinking healing thoughts. You are strong in your heart and in your head – let them take the lead now.

   Much Love,

   Lizzie