Sometimes, when your family calls and tells you there’re having a family crisis all they want is for you to listen.

My daughter was having a disaster in her family yesterday. She was very upset and was rambling as to what had happened in her marriage. I found myself very saddened with the event and wanted to give my entire view as to what she should do. It was something I did not support and I was distressed for what she was going through. I also knew she had a strong marriage and that this would be something they would work through. They had in the past dealt with the good, the bad, and the ugly. Here it was again, and my job by the grace of God, I should listen. So I suggested she come on over and talk. Yes, just talk. 

I was going to let her think about her state of affairs and be supportive of her options. I knew they would work through this and I was happy to be part of the process. Even though it should be noted sometimes I want to absolutely scream and suggest she get out while she can, run and don’t look back. It is not my true feelings. They are my momentary mommy position not wanting my daughter to ever have a day that hurts her in her marriage. Sherry and her husband have been together over 21 years and there are always times when you’re convinced the marriage won’t make it. However, you can if you work hard through the confrontation. All marriages have their weak and strong parts, and learning to be part of the solution is a parent’s job when possible.

Working through serious troubles in your marriage and in the end making it alright. Each party recognizing what just happened. Putting the whole truth on the table and deciding how to avoid this in the future. It will take cooperation from both parties.

It would be nice to think that marriages which last for several years must be free of strife and heartache. When you see the family portrait and everyone smiling this must be a happy family all the time free from the normal everyday pain we all seem to encounter. Realism says all families have their share of had times and when they look back wonder how they made it. They make it because they go head on to the issues and each tries to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

When my son in law called nervous and heart broken as he knew there were things he had to work through, I was happy he could call me to help. He instinctively knew I was part of the family and we could face this and make it work if we all tried. I could sense his relief when he heard my position and he knew I support the marriage and they would get through this together as a family should.

A little side note which Sherry and I got to laugh about later, Bill had called two of his older kids and said moms really mad and disappointed in me, I’m concerned will she leave me. Both responded (as we found out later) and said, dad…mom will get through this don’t worry you’ll be alright. Sherry later asked Bill why he called them; Sherry had decided not to tell the kids what had happened. I needed them to be there if they had to rally you for me. He was putting his army in place to fight for his marriage. Bill knew he made a mistake and was ready for battle. Combat to keep his marriage if necessary. And the kids knew their mom was in the marriage for life and it would work out.

And as the kids seemed to know they did. Bill and Sherry got together later in the day talked about what had happened and came up with a solution. Bother feeling good about what they concluded. So when strife or uncertainty comes to a marriage what are some things you can do to help your family?

Faith in God, we do believe a family that prays together, has a better of chance of staying together.

Always face your mistake head on. Even if you get caught in a lie, tell the truth when your asked and decide how you can stop the dishonesty.

Be willing to offer something as a solution to the problem. Sometimes families or marriages need counseling. Someone who is on the outside and can be objective to what the issues might really be.

Don’t hide the strife from your children, let them know mommy and daddy are not agreeing on something today, however, you are working through it as couples do and it should be alright. Let them see that you are able to work together to keep the family as a unit. That it’s not always easy and things can be worked out when you try.

Marriages today face many pressures we didn’t have when we were raising our family. Sometimes making marriage in general is a tough thing to manage and succeed with. Don’t give up. Try to thing of what can make it right.

My daughter and Bill faced off and worked through another rough time in their marriage. I listened, when I wanted to give opinion. She went through this day like a trooper and so did her husband. They worked their problem out together. Now I’ll watch and hope they both learned some valuable information about what it takes to keep things solid in a marriage. Facing their troubles and finding a solution. My knowing when it was time to listen more and give less of my opinion. (That was hard). Understanding this was their marriage and I was an outsider who loved the family and needed to give them space.

Here’s hoping we all can learn how to preserve and fight for marriage and family. That the dam soap shows on television, stop having one marriage after another seem like it’s the way life should be. Let’s attempt to go back to the old days where marriage was a vow taken seriously and teach our children not to enter into one unless they do it for life. Teaching that while they grow up, having the value instinctive from childhood. Showing them you can get through the hard times if you try. Bring back marriage as an institution forever. Do you think it’s possible? Rests assure, my daughter has taught me a lot about commitment, information I wish I knew when I was younger. Things I’m using now in my marriage to keep it stronger. Did you think you could learn from your kids? I do…

My best, Dorothy

7 Responses to “Can this Marraige be Saved?”

1. Kellyanne Davis on March 6th, 2008 at 3:40 pm

   I have always believed that there are three sides to every story.

   His, hers and the truth. Everyone thinks differently. You can take on the world and win if you are strong enough and more importantly if you want it bad enough.

   This family passage that you wrote, Dorothy, is very positive.

   Thanks, Kelly

2. grammolo on March 6th, 2008 at 8:09 pm

   Kellyanne, you are wise in your ways as well. Thanks for the support and the comments they always assure me I may be on the right track…

   My best, Dorothy

3. Loz on March 7th, 2008 at 1:40 pm

   There is only one thing that will save things and that is communication. I can’t stress how important that is and I say it as one who didn’t communicate.

4. grammolo on March 7th, 2008 at 1:44 pm

   Loz, that is so true. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I will do a future post on the communication things. People often even fall out of love because of not talking to each other. They loose track of who they’re living with. Thank you…Dorothy

5. Robin on March 10th, 2008 at 10:36 pm

   I do truly believe in working things out…although I know I am very stubborn….there’s nothing more fulfilling than being with someone and your love just grows, ESPECIALLY when you work through the tough times…
   Good excerpt….
   Robin

6. grammolo on March 11th, 2008 at 6:25 am

   Thanks Robin, I wanted it to show they talked, put the whole thing on the table and worked through it as a team. I think Loz agrees you have to keep the line of communication open in or to survive because..life is not a bowl of cherries.

   Thanks and heard you bachelor party was great..

   hugs Dorothy

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