Guest Post, My Children in todays World
Jen is a young mom hoping Mom and Dad are making the right decisions for their family. There is so much to ponder it can be worrisome to whether or not your choices are appropriate for the children today. As Jen gives us her point of view, I’m hoping you’ll comment and let her know what you think. When our new page is up..and I’m still waiting..we’ll add her bio and photo so you’ll know more about their family. Enjoy and give us feedback. I’m hoping you’ll enjoy the younger view mixed with me and my gramme thoughts…
I have 2 boys ages 5 and 4. I thought I knew how we were going to raise them, that until 2 months ago when our daughter was born. I started thinking about the society we live in, and how it leans more toward the fostering of little girls and less to the nurturing of little boys. So it got me thinking, are our boys any less important than our little girls, and the answer is NO. I then started to ask my self a series of questions that will hopefully help me head in the right direction of raising up men that are strong, compassionate, nurturing, loving, and the best men that they can be as pillars of our community.
My questions are as follows and this is for society as a whole:
Are we raising our boys to love freely? Are we raising our boys to express themselves liberally, or are we stifling their ability to communicate effectively and resolve conflict in the appropriate way leading to a generation of boys/men that are letting their pent up emotions out in ways that are both dangerous and destructive? I don’t buy much into the old school belief that that real men don’t cry, I buy into the fact that everyone male or female should feel comfortable expressing their emotions. Are we checking in with our boys on a daily basis listening to and hearing everything they have to say? (No matter how unimportant it may seem to us, if it is something they want to talk about it is probably IMPORTANT to THEM)! Are we providing our boys with an outlet be it a close family friend or family member that our children feel safe and free to go to, to openly verbalize their feelings or concerns if they don’t’ feel comfortable fully expressing themselves to their parents? Some children often don’t feel comfortable enough to go to parents out of fear of being punished or that their parents won’t love them anymore. It is very important that our children know that our love as parents is UNCONDITIONAL!
The formative years in a Child’s life is between the ages of 0 threw 6 years, but it is NEVER too late to start promoting a loving mutually respectful relationship with your child. We as a society need to be able to place more value on who are child “IS” rather than what they can do i.e.: perfect school report cards or the star athlete.
Are we raising our boys up to have enough self respect to stand up for their beliefs and morals?
Our family is a work in progress and I am excited to see how well we grow together!
We as a society need to rethink what we are offering our children in regards to emotions and that they would not be afraid to expand on sharing their inner thoughts to us parents, so we can point them in the right direction.
5 Responses to “Guest Post, My Children in todays World”
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Jen, very good post!! I have a 4 year old son and his father is a strong believer of the “old” ways, which he got from his father. My sons father thinks that little boys dressing “preppy” will make him gay or if he plays with dolls and that, which i disagree to. If my son wants to play with a doll which his sister has many of them, then i let him. He even wanted to dress up in her play clothes which are for little girls, and i let him. I see nothing wrong with it. My son has also wanted his makeup done and nails done because my daughter was getting it done and all i did was pretend to do it, he didnt know that, but he still wanted to join in with the girl fun.
My ex husband is one that thinks that tough men can not cry and not express himself or people will think that he is weak, about 4 years ago he was put on anti-depressant meds. He grew up thinking that he had to be a man and if not his dad was going to be disappointed in him. My ex has alot of issues with his father because of the childhood that he had.
I knew when i was growing up i would not go to my parents because i was afraid that they would be upset with me or not love me, which was wrong of me to think, but when you want your parents to think your the “perfect” child and dont do anything wrong, then you keep it to yourself. I make sure that my kids know that i love them no matter what and plan on being an open parent with them. I want them to come to me with a question or concern or wondering which direction they should turn, weither or not they take my advice, i will still know what is going on in there life because of them comming to me. I will love my children no matter how they may turn out!! As a parent you have unconditional love for your child, no matter what they do. You can not just turn off that love you have for them.
Jodi,
Thank you so much for your comment. I agree with you 100%. I definately don’t think that there is anything wrong with letting your son play dress up or play with dolls, it makes for someone who will know how to nuture.
Jen for Grammology
Dear Jen,
Your post was very thought provoking. I found myself “recalling” my past attempt(s) at parenting two boys and one girl. I would like to think that we encouraged them all to be respectful and sensitive to others, while still being true to themselves. Their father was and continues to be an excellent role model of selflessness. I think that my greater challenge was being “consistent” as far as with expectations and discipline as I descended through the pecking order. I know my oldest feels he had the most restrictions…probably he did. Afterall, we “learned” all our “firsts” with him. I would like to think that the compromises that his brother and sister enjoyed (which he still so generously points out to this day) came from our valuable discoveries that we made with him. I have learned that each child, as well as each grandchild, benefits from nuturing and patience. Male or female – who doesn’t like to hear the words, “I Love You”? It’s up to us all to teach each other – no matter what age – how to speak those words and how to accept the sentiment. I have a feeling that your children will be able to express their thoughts and their emotions as they grow because of your guidance.
Linda
Jen, your biggest attribute is your mind. You are aware things are different today and may need a creative kind of parenting. Stay alert and open minded as you appear to be and you and Henry will give your children what they need to be normal great children. We look forward to hearing more about your family next time lets include photos….
New page up next week…layout looked wonderful…
Hugs Aunt Dorothy
Dear Linda & Aunt Dorothy,
Thank you for your comments! I truly believe that we will be able to guide our children in the right direction and with the help of great family around them I am sure we will be successful.