Sunday and miserable who am I
Today is the first day I can even think about writing a post since my update. I’ve been disorientated and miserable. I’ve slept almost non stop since Thursday night and I’m really pretty sick of the drill. However, I realized I should at least let you know what’s going on. So I apologize for not telling.
Which brings me to my brief post; sometimes we are too embarrassed to tell what’s really going on in our lives? And that is my story. I’ve been too humiliated, and taking this personally that I can’t even write how I feel this week. This disease…yes the cancer has overwhelmed me and I’m useless. My poor husband has had to do everything…this ticks me off. I can’t even get the strength to do a load of laundry or clean the house. In fact I don’t care about the house. I’m selfishly hoping this helpless feeling will go away and I’ll feel better soon.
Then the light for the first time in days I stopped over to a few of my favorite blogs and I saw http://www.fenicle.com and I realized she is also having a bad week. Really serious as she has a blood clot in arm and has been battling this as a result of an auto accident much longer then my cancer surgery which began January 16th. Now I feel like a brat who’s feeling sorry for herself. There are so many worse things going on. So today I’m going to try to be positive. As predicted I’m getting my energy back and could sit up reading and commenting for an hour already. That is a great sign of my strength coming back. Writing this short post is another good sign.
If things continue today, with my energy, my five year old grandson will spend the night. How I miss my get-up-and-go I use to take for granted. As important, the two shots they also gave me this week with Chemo will make my blood get stronger and I won’t have to consider a blood transfusion. In the scheme of things I have something to look forward to. However, I confide it’s not exactly how I really feel. I’m miserable and grumpy. I have some things to say to you and can’t get the resource to write.
I’ll leave this for the when I can. I saw Chris Rocks mom on one of the morning shows regarding her way of discipline. It was terrific and I hope to comment soon. Then I caught a glimpse of Colin Powell and his very important statement that we lack shame today. I almost fell over. My words, taught by my mom have been we lack guilt and fear. Colin gave me a new and important idea. We have to bring shame back to our parents and children. So when I can, I will be back. I hope you’ll wait. I do so miss not being able to say more. Please be patient with me while I heal.
My very best…….
16 Responses to “Sunday and miserable who am I”
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Hey Dorothy! It may very well actually be the chemotherapy that is doing the number on you and wearing you out. It is a cumulative effect – I remember it well. So just know that the tiredness and lack of get-up-and-go is only temporary. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. But take your time and rest when you need to without feeling any guilt. You don’t need that on top of everything else and honestly, your loyal readers wouldn’t want to put any extra pressure on you. Take care, wish your friend our best, and come write more ONLY WHEN YOU ARE UP TO IT! Hugs to you!
Take your time and dont expect too much from yourself . Youve been amazing all this time and you will get back on form . Just need to give yourself a break and let yourself be what you need to be …. love and light through these times ….x
Thought I’d pop over from GM and tell you I’m thinking of you now we’ve met.
take as long as it takes and take it gently. Let as many others help as will!
David
Take it slowly, rest when your body needs to and let others do the chores.
Aunt Dorothy,
Try not to be so hard on yourself because of your lack of energy. Listen to your body it knows what needs to happen for the healing to take place. Uncle Joe is wonderful and I am sure doing a little extra around the house doesn’t bother him at all. Part of being in a realtionship is being able to work as a team, sometimes it requires one partner to pick up the slack when the other not able.
Love Jen xoxox
Are you serious? I feel like I’m always bitching about these little things, when I survived my car accident. I lived. I should be able to handle all the little hic-up’s life throws me. But I still get caught up sometimes… You are in the midst of chaos. You deserve the right to feel however you want.
I’m sorry I’ve been absent from reading other blogs lately. Like you, I’ve just been exhausted. But I’m so glad I came over here tonight. I keep you in my daily prayers. You are strong. You will overcome this. All you can do is take it a day at a time, because each day changes. Handle today, do not worry about tomorrow.
Dorothy, hope you’re feeling better really soon. I’m so sorry you’re going through this rough time and you have every right to vent about it! Thinking of you…
All this shows is that you’re HUMAN!!! Sometimes you just feel like crap, and with your circumstances, you’re certainly entitled. Let my dad help…it probably helps him feel like at least he can help in some way….love you Dorth…hang in there; allow yourself to feel…I know you’ll get back to yourself: it will just help you appreciate the good times even more!!!
love,
Robin
Got here via entrecard and read about your day. I don’t know what sort of cancer you have, but do not feel guilty about your husband having to do things and let’s face it, you have a grandchild which I’m told is a delight.
I understand depression, believe me, but just by writing and being honest you must help a lot of people.
Thank you for the post.
According to a study done at the University of Texas, by James Pennebaker, the absolute best thing you can do right now is to write about your experiences and how you feel about them. That will help improve your health and your mind set. So, Dorothy, you have many fans whom are ready to read your writings, we know that your mood will only improve as your writing continues. You are an example for many that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and no, it isn’t a train!
Everyone, you have made me feel so much better. Its Tuesday am and I’m already on the computer…thats a good sign…I made myself eat liver and onions last night so I could help build up my iron…I’m drinking propel and water…really making sure my diet is doing all things I’m suppose to do. Teeni thanks for reminding me the Chemo is cumulative..I forgot and it tells me why sometimes I still feel bad. However, yes Debbie writing is helping and especially when I have the energy and focus. So I’ll be back. Going to write a post now…on shame..and you guys are truly part of my healing…thanks for being here..there are no words to all of you…
Lots of love to you…all….
Dorothy
Healing takes energy, and energy gets replenished in sleep. Keep resting; you will rebuild as your body heals.
Daisy, I am sleeping more now then I ever did in my life. And I’m not fighting it anymore. I’m enjoying my body getting more sleep. I feel better and I’m getting stronger. Thanks for the comments….Dorothy
Hope you are feeling better…my friend who had appendix cancer is getting chemo now too and her first couple of weeks weren’t that bad but now it’s getting worse…lots of nausea. It is not an easy thing, for sure. My thoughts are with you.
Mauigirl, I’ll be praying for your friend. Remember the Chemo stays in the system and the symptoms come and go as they please. Sometimes I wonder if the treatment is worse then the disease.
Thanks for commenting. Dorothy
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