I mentioned in my Cancer update how powerful the word Shame felt to me. Probably because I’ve felt so much in my life regarding being ashamed of this and that; we’ll explain more another time. It’ll be a whole chapter in our grammology book.

My mom as I’ve mentioned was big on guilt, fear, and yes shame. She taught us to recognize our faults and work hard to improve them. We resented every moment however, always seemed to be trying to be better people.

Today as I look around at our families, I wonder how many of our children have ever felt any of those things. If I were to ask my grandchildren what they were ashamed of I think they might respond that they didn’t have some designer shoes or clothing item. Does that simply explain that there is something going on here that needs addressing? Yes, I’m convinced my blessed grandchildren would not understand the meaning of shame. Mr. Powell was referring to how many of our youths were dropping out of high school before graduation today and he was ashamed as to how we got here. I am as well.

An education is one of the most important tools we can give our youth today. It’s critical to their future and lifestyle. Imagine what it must be like for the children who are unable to read and write. How can they use a cell phone or a computer much less, manage their existence today. As Mr. Powell is striving toward helping our adolescence with their diplomas; I wish him success as he brings awareness to the broken system we face with our students today. While working on education I hope we are able to teach them to feel guilt, and shame as well. Building values with education. A big job however, our children are worth the efforts.

So how do we begin to teach our children the importance of strong values and when to feel bad for something they’ve done? It’s not alright to lie, cheat or steal. Is it simply looking at the Ten Commandments and reestablishing principles which have been around for years? As I consider the commandments and the old “do on too others rule”, it’s almost unbelievable. There are two simple rules which could help us all live better lives. Yet realistically what are the chances of helping our children consider recognizing those simple values. Doing onto others and getting more familiar with the Ten Commandments?

I personally hadn’t given a lot of thought to the Ten Commandments. I think about doing on to others as I would want done onto me. I’ve shaped most of my life considering how my actions will affect others. I’m big with the guilt, shame, and fear of God. You see mom made us understand our actions here have an impact on our eternity. I want to go to heaven and to me and my siblings it meant living a good life. And we all try to do that as we raise our families. We are not perfect however, we clearly understand right from wrong and we try hard to live honest and good lives.

If we are going to be better parents, perhaps we should consider some of the old values. You’ve heard me talk about commitments and obligations. Now possibly we should all think about what shame means to us. Ponder and ask our children if they can relate to the word. Are they ashamed when they lie? Do they feel badly if they make a promise to us and don’t keep it? I looked the word up and here are a few buzz words for your thoughts:

Negative emotions, combines feelings of dishonor, unworthiness, and embarrassment

Capacity to feel unworthy, the capacity or tendency to feel shame

State of disgrace, a state if disgrace or dishonor, or to bring shame on the family

This is just some of the explanations I read. See for yourself and ask your kids what they think shame is. You might be surprised as to their reactions. I enjoyed rethinking my values. It gave me more to consider as I speak to my daughter and her family. We always look for new ways to make a point. We are never here to criticize; we are here to grow and be a strong and inspired family filled with values learning as we grow.

We don’t always succeed however, as Jen said when she recently wrote a guest post for us, we are a work in progress. That’s why I am sharing this new revelation inspired by Mr. Powell and his current fight for high school diplomas for our kids today.

Considering some of our ancient values may work well with our education system. I hope to stimulate you to rethink old values and introduce them to your family hoping it’s a great influence on their lives and futures.

Thanks Mr. Powell and next; Chris Rocks mom….I like that lady already…I’m going to purchase her book….

What do you think?

Dorothy

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7 Responses to “Shame, do you know it?”

1. Stacy on April 16th, 2008 at 3:31 am

   Thank you for taking the time and energy to post your blogs. You have great insight on life and please KEEP SHARING as long as you are up to it. I found your site through my friend’s blog and will definitely keep referring back to yours!

   I’m a first time mommy, and we are taking catechism classes to join a church. They start at the very beginning, creation, etc etc. But right now we are focusing on the commandments. And you’re right, they still apply to everyday life and we need to be sure to instill them into our children!!

2. Tammy on April 16th, 2008 at 8:26 pm

   Thank you so much for sending good vibes to our friends. I’m sending good vibes to you too.

3. grammolo on April 16th, 2008 at 10:13 pm

   Stacy and Tammy thanks for commenting and sending me good vibes. I’m doing better today…even able to write…hurray…

   Dorothy

4. Robin on April 17th, 2008 at 12:24 pm

   Well, someone once told me, it’s what you do (or not do) when people AREN’T looking that really says something about who you are. My parents taught me many values, appreciation, guilt, shame…and I’ll tell you, I think they were tough at times, but I am so thankful for the way they raised me. It IS important to teach one’s children these things…where else will they get it? I think it used to be in schools (and to a point still is)…but our schools are different nowadays than what they used to be. Most children do not experiences guilt or shame when they’ve misbehaved or haven’t fulfilled their simple duties of being a student ie: doing homework, coming to class prepared with a writing utensil, being respectful….
   Very interesting blog…it’s tough to BE TOUGH, but so worth it in the long run!
   love you Dorth!
   Robin

5. Nikki V (marys old friend) on April 17th, 2008 at 3:09 pm

   Hi Gramma Dorthy,
   It’s Nikki i haven’t been on grammology in a while so i knew i needed to read, update, and hear the new news. I’m so sorry to hear about the cancer and all when Mary had told me a few weeks ago i had tears coming down my face. I thought for such a upbeat and going all the time gramma i felt you were the wrong person to get this awful disease. i recently tore my acl in cheerleading and had surgery about a week ago. Reading your blogs will be my daily routine from now on while i lay in bed and, progress to get better. They really touched me and i’ve always looked up and thought twice about what you had to say to Mary and I. I hope everything works out well and WISh YOU THE BEST ALWAYS!. i Miss You very much!!

6. grammolo on April 17th, 2008 at 4:34 pm

   Nikki, heres wishing you the fastest recovery. I’m really feeling much better now. I know what to expect and that helps. I miss you guys and when Mary gets back from California lets try to see each other…hugs Grammy..

7. grammolo on April 17th, 2008 at 4:36 pm

   Robin, if we can only get this message out…it could be so good for our kids. They need to feel guilt, fear and shame in order to have good values…when you fear nothing you’ll stop at nothing…when you have no shame..oh well there are no consequences. We have to find a way….and I suspect…I will..

   All my best hugs and love…
   Dorothy