I just had a wonderful lunch with my stepdaughter Robin. As we try to stress the importance of taking time with your family. I’d like to share the wonderful peace her time gave me. After all sometimes kids can think you’re too old and out of touch and have nothing in common. On the contrary, whenever I get together with either Robin or Nancy we never stop talking. We share each others point of view with the hope we’ll learn something from each others experience. Yes I meant what I said, I’m 61 Robin is 33 and Nancy is 28. Sharing life from each others outlook has been very helpful to me. Its easy to conclude you know how things feel, however, the reality is unless you’ve walked in their shoes it’s a guess at best.

When we get to talk and express how we feel it’s a winning situation. You’re getting another perspective and it can make your vision different. Every time I’m with the girls I feel like I’ve gained some instinct about life. It makes me think before I react and fills me with empathy something I’ve been accused of not having in my past…

So by the time Robin and I parted I was feeling a joy I hadn’t predicted. No pressure, pure respect for each other and some great insight towards my husbands’ daughters. So as I impart my life on yours may I suggest if your in a marriage where your spouse has children take some alone time with them. I’ve done this for years with my step daughters and the results are wonderful.

As I mentioned in my www.firstwivesworld.com/ interview it’s not about being their mom. It’s another support area for them to know they have. Their mom Mary Jo and I never competed; each of us brings something to the family. Each of us is glad to have the family bonds to share.

Every time I see extended families who are not able to have harmony it’s make me sad. The real losers are always the children. And don’t delude yourself and thinks it you…it’s the kids. Frankly our feelings are not important. We brought these children into the world and it’s our job to prepare them, love and nurture and make their life livable.

If you are thinking you deserve better perhaps you do, however, not off the backs of your family. It’s their needs first, and what ever you can have for yourself later. If your thinking I’m judgmental your right. I hope my focus is always to try to teach and help our kids to grow up and be strong value filled adults. This doesn’t mean my life isn’t filled with conflict. As it comes I hope to be prepared to choose right to get through it and always for benefit of the kids. Grammology was launched to share the good, the bad and the ugly and hope we each can learn something from it all.

Today I shared the good and am hoping you’ll agree. Do something with your extended family if possible. Even if it’s a phone call they weren’t expecting. I wish you sunshine and blessings.

And on a personal note; I hope you’ll click the link to first wives on my site and see my interview they finally posted at www.firstwivesworld.com/. Debbie Nigro is trying hard to fill the need where divorce is part of family’s lives.

It the post under this and the link is there to click. Let me know with comments what you think. I loved doing it and felt all my words from my heart. Hope they ask me back as this is one tough subject for families to endure. Once again, working together we will conquer. Remember divide and they conquer.. Let’s stay together and get through life as it hits us in the face.

9 Responses to “Enjoying your Step Children”

1. Stacy on April 20th, 2008 at 9:03 pm

   For some reason unbeknown to me, growing up (and now still) my mother has tried to keep my sisters and me (or is it I?) from associating outside of family gatherings.

   I have some great cousins near my age, that I really do not know much about. We don’t send Christmas cards, or call to chat. It’s so strange. My husband’s family is the complete opposite. They truly love eachother and like to be together. I think that is one reason I love him so much.

   Extended family is just as important as your immediate family. Thank you Gram!!!

2. Robin on April 20th, 2008 at 9:26 pm

   Wow, Dorth!!! Thank you for mentioning me! I too had a great time!!! I truly enjoy my time with you. I enjoy the perspective of someone with more life experience than myself. It’s a “safe” place where I can talk and share…and know that you’ll be there to support and also to sometimes tell me what I need to hear! Thank you again for a lovely lunch and a wonderful time!

3. Active Listening | Believer in Balance on April 21st, 2008 at 5:43 pm

   [...] Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Enjoying your Step Children 4. On April 20th, 2008 at 9:16 pm, Daisy [...]

4. Shannon on April 21st, 2008 at 5:49 pm

   Hi Dorothy! I love how you described the joy and peace you get from spending time with your step-children! I wish all step-families, including mine and my husband’s, were as healthy as you all! As far as using my Active Listening article over here, I’d be honored. According to my contract with Wendy, all you have to do is indicate I’m the author and link back to www.sparkplugging.com/believer-in-balance/. Let me know if you have any questions on that. I’d be happy to help. I’m so glad you like the post!

5. grammolo on April 21st, 2008 at 6:51 pm

   Shannon, thanks for the response and I’ll send this to David so he understands what we need to do. Remember all this is Greek to me…..Loved your comment let me know we can share our thoughts and have an impact on other peoples lives. This is truly what its about.

   Hope to hear from you again..my best, Dorothy

6. grammolo on April 21st, 2008 at 6:56 pm

   Stacy, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is exactly why grammology is here. Call your cousins and say hey lets have a coffee clutch here there or anywhere. Keep trying until one or more of you is able to make something happen.

   You already love your family, now you have to learn how to enjoy them. With it comes commitment to times. Even if its only a few times a year. Or even meet at a show and share a movie together. The relationship may take patience and effort from which I sense you are willing to give. Let us know how you do in the future….attach it to any post you wish…remind me what it referred to and I’ll be thinking about you. Thanks so much for the comments…we are learning together….

   My best, Dorothy

7. grammolo on April 21st, 2008 at 6:57 pm

   Robin, you are a jewel. Remember a great relationship takes effort on both parts. We must be doing something right….

   hugs Dorothy

8. Mauigirl on April 22nd, 2008 at 3:47 am

   Dorothy, it’s wonderful you are able to have such a great relationship with your stepdaughters and extended family. If only more families were like yours!

9. grammolo on April 22nd, 2008 at 10:29 am

   Mauigirl, this is one of the reasons we started grammology hoping to share our thoughts and inspire others to do the same. It takes a lot of work. Sometimes heartache as the success isn’t instant. You have to work at gaining trust with your family and establishing patterns which work for the all family. I hope as we move forward we receive more impute from our readers and together we make families stronger and more fulfilled.

   Thanks for visiting our site..

   Dorothy