DO YOUR CHILDREN TUNE YOU OUT?

 Whether they are your children or your grandchildren while you’re speaking with them it’s important to make sure they are listening. Otherwise, you could be creating a scenario whereby they appear to be with you when in fact they have tuned you out.

There’s body language to consider. However, most of us don’t really understand it. We can guess what’s going on although it’s not full proof. And often when we’re in the heat of the moment we’re not exactly paying attention to whether or not they are focusing on what we have to say.

Recently I was having an intense phone conversation with my 21 year old grandson. We were in great debate about something he was doing. I was adamant it was not in his best interest and of course, he disagreed. He listened for awhile and then politely said this conversation was over he had heard enough. Then he decided he wasn’t going to call me for awhile. I was less then satisfied with the results yet unable to do much about it.

Sometimes you have to speak your peace, hope they listen and move on. If you think because I share my experiences with my daughter and grandchildren with you I have a perfect rapport with them think again… My goal is to strengthen our bond with our children by sharing thus improve as we go along. Wasn’t there a saying somewhere that there is strength in numbers? If we all come back with the same consequences, it has to tell us something. Tell me what’s happened to you and how you handle it. I need some advice. Gary did finally call me back and we’re fine however, remember when your both strong and believe in what your saying sometimes the results can create hostility and then you have another mountain to climb. We have had these discussions before and my kids (daughter and grandchildren) never dispute my unconditional love, however they will determine if currently they are speaking to me or not. When they need to talk again, we pick up as though it never happened. You have come to a decision when you have older children how you will personally handle this result. We know what to expect and act accordingly. Our love and respect for each other, never waivers even when we’re not speaking.

For that reason when you have a conversation with your kids; think about the results and if you had an impact. Consider how you might handle it the next time you have something important to say. Regarding Gary, I’m hopeful that my opinion will make a difference in his life. He heard some of what I was saying or he wouldn’t have stopped the conversation. He didn’t like my point of view and had enough although he was gracious and polite even when he was done listening to me. I’m convinced I made some points for him to ponder that’s all we can hope for.

Think about you and your family and if they listen. Consider their ages as this will make a difference as well. You don’t speak to a five year old the same way you talk to older children. There is no easy way to determine if they are listening to you. Asking their opinion may help. Listening and responding in a positive way when they share their thoughts can be helpful. Try not to be confrontational. Remember each of you is trying to win the battle. So think before you respond. Decide if the conversation is going nowhere and then end it. Telling your children you’ll pick up another time. If there is a decision to be made give it and be prepared to live with the results.

Thinking we will be the good guys and have a positive impact on our children’s lives is not realistic. However, sharing our experiences and learning to adapt to our situations may improve our communications’ with our kids. It’s a work in progress and one where you don’t keep score. You just keep trying because that’s our job. Otherwise think seriously before you ever have kids because I’ve also decided it’s a life long career.

A career I love. And until my last breath, tiring as it sometimes is; I want to be part of my family forever. No matter how much it takes from me the deposits are astonishing. I thank God every day for the gifts of love my daughter and grandchildren bring to me.

So now that you know I experience many of the problems you do. I’m hoping you’ll enlighten us with some of your feelings and how you get your kids or grandchildren to listen when you speak. I’m hoping to see your comments here on grammology soon.

Dorothy

8 Responses to “Are your children listening to you?”

1. Debbie Lane on June 1st, 2008 at 11:42 pm

   there are times I think I am wording things so well, so without judgment and yet, I hear the change in attitude in my son’s voices. It is at that time that I have to remember that although my parents wanted to save me through their experiences, I was stubborn and had to learn on my own. Why should my sons wanting to do the same surprise me? Still, I speak my truth and hope, like you, that it will weigh in on their decisions.

2. grammolo on June 2nd, 2008 at 9:07 am

   Debbie, I agree we have to tell them what we think and then hope someday, somewhere, it will get them through difficult times. My daughter although she rarely agrees with me. Knows what I say is never to hurt her always to help. My grandchildren the same. They agree with me even less. Once again, that won’t stop me from
   telling it like it is. Life today is very complicated with issues I never had to think about. It’s my job to try and I will..loving them none the less.

   Thanks for commenting.
   Dorothy

3. Mary on June 2nd, 2008 at 9:52 pm

   How very true, just last week, we had an issue come up that was very devastating to hubby and myself. We told our son that we do not approve of his decision, but we will always be there for him. He is 27 and I know he doesn’t always listen to what we have to say..Kids always think they are right and we are wrong, I wish he would listen more with his heart, especially now, because he is breaking our hearts, but we love him never the less and always will…Mary

4. grammolo on June 3rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm

   Mary, worst yet I remember going through this with my mom. Many times she was right and I was wrong. Too late, I used my judgement and live the mistakes even today. It never ends. Thanks so much for giving me your opinion. Validates it never gets easy and our love continues through it all.

   Hugs..Dorothy

5. Mary on June 4th, 2008 at 12:01 am

   Hi Dorothy, thanks for your comment on my blog, and yes you can use whatever you want from my blog, I feel honoured if you do..thanks..Mary

6. Daisy on June 4th, 2008 at 11:41 pm

   I am enjoying my children as they get old enough for almost-adult discussions. My daughter, in particular, is such a delight at 21. I hope I listen well enough to her.

7. grammolo on June 8th, 2008 at 5:56 pm

   Isn’t it funny when we say we wish we listen more as well. They always remind us sometimes it’s important for us to remember it may be our time to be quiet and observe. Good point..thanks Daisy..enjoy your daughter….

   Dorothy

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