Sometimes you just have to take time for you.

Occasionally I ask myself when it will be alright to do things just for me, which may seem like a strange question although I’ve noticed many women have similar concerns. 

Why do women think they don’t merit treating themselves to spas, mini vacations or weekends with their female friends?  Our husbands or male counterparts do all this all the time, I think it’s conditioning that started long ago.  Our mothers never thought about time for themselves they accepted hard work as their lives.  They were raised to be the cook, maid, mother and wife accepting this as their joy and pleasure and there was nothing more.  So somehow we have to unite and learn how to beat the guilt and I don’t deserve feelings that overpower us, Take that time now we Deserve It.

So then why tonight when four of my friends and I are going for cocktails and dinner; was I wondering why I felt guilty taking time to do something for me?  My husband was returning today from a bicycling trip that he’d crewed on for the last two weeks, therefore I’ve been home alone while he was gone.  So what’s the deal here; he’s been gone for two weeks and I’m doing something with my friends and I have this pang of guilt.  I’m the grandma giving advice, acting so strong and self confident and yet feeling guilty for not being the good wife. Greeting him with a kiss telling him how much I missed him…  Even me grammology has moments wondering what are my commitments to this man; should I stay home?  And further what are his to me; he was gone for two weeks living his dreams am I allowed, to have a passion as well?  Or as before women’s suffrage when we couldn’t vote or own property should I unconditionally be there for him?

Well I’m going out for those drinks and dinner with my friends I’ll leave him a note saying glad to have you home see you after 10. Will I feel guilty going? When we married 7 years ago we determined we each had times we would do things separately, that our lives were united and emancipated free to choose.  Each able to carry on with things we’d enjoyed before we met.     

Tonight five friends will have drinks and dinner. we’ll talk about life what we think and what we’re yet to do. Ponder opportunities we may have missed and plan future times that will bring joy and laughter to our lives.  We’ll have that dinner and realize we are free not guilt ridden or undeserving of a great time.  We’ll probably plan a girl’s get away and ladies, no one is going to tell you to go out and do what you deserve.  You’re going to have to plan it yourself. 

At certain times in your life you are able to do more because you are financially capable. If you’re stretched for funds there are churches and organizations who offer women’s getaways or events at no charge.  And some offer child care in return they may ask that you volunteer for other mothers at another time so they can enjoy women supporting women. Attending the church can also be stimulating for your life these events can be luncheons conferences or bible studies.  The bigger organizations and churches offer more opportunity, take time to get to know what they offer and what feels best for you.

You may have to look and determine your comfort level with the church or group, they are out there I’ve been to them at different times in my life.  We must liberate ourselves of feeling our time hasn’t come.  It’s here today, your job; research and find the prospect.  Don’t give up on yourself.  Start feeling like you deserve to live some life. 

UPDATE DINNER AND DRINKS

My time this evening was priceless. These women share similar dreams and personalities.  The joy in our hearts after laughing and sharing life are immeasurable.  Please begin to build long term friendships and start sharing life with women who know what it’s like to work, raise a family and stay grounded.

You may have 100 years to fulfill your dreams or you may not.  Don’t waste life, if it’s being with your kids, or dinner with your friends; you are worthy of the time now.  Precious are the moments short-lived is the time. Do it, you deserve it. Love your family and indulge yourself.  Remember the deposits are necessary to keep the account balanced.   Note the smiles on my friends as they gather around me in support of my fight to live.  (Photos above)

Thank you Judy, Rosemary, Marlene and Carol…  I feel great after spending time with four ladies like me…..

4 Responses to “Do you know how to live a little life…?”

1. Mary on June 21st, 2008 at 5:41 am

   I find it so hard to do things for myself. A lot of the time I do feel guilty if I do do something for me. Its not right to feel this way, we need to do something nice for us. Mary

2. Sakshi on June 21st, 2008 at 6:37 pm

   Hey, Long time… I hope that you are doing fine. In the picture you are looking so lovely. I feel that we have been staying in a male dominated society…where… women are the symbol of giving… but now days things have changed… the guys themselves say that its good to spend time with ur friends too… you knw, your family should be accomodating too… if they constantly nag you for only giving time to urself..even though ur not… when you do give time to yourself you feel guilty. I think, that the mindset needs a drastic change… and that is looooooooong way to come…!!!

3. grammolo on June 22nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm

   Maybe or maybe, your more in control of how you accept things in your lie. If you are able to communicate with your partner how you feel, you can start an equal relationship now. Each able to express your feelings as things come up.

   Hopefully we’ll start the change in our own homes. As men become more accustomed to that feeling in the home..perhaps it will spill over in the work place. One step at a time, we can make a difference.

   Thanks for the comments ladies….

   Dorothy

4. Nana Connie on June 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm

   There is nothing like a girlfriend, no matter how old you are. A group of gals is glorious. Have you read any of Joan Anderson’s books? She’s all about gettting away for renewal. Take good care..

   Connie

 We present this as guilt or worse, in our minds we don’t deserve to do things that are just for us.