Are you afraid to tell mom what’s going on in your marriage?

Are you concerned about your mom’s judgment of you if you tell her the dirty secrets of your marriage therefore you carry the cross alone instead of sharing your mental strain whereas mom might be able to help or even console you which can be so important as you travel down that road of unforgiving times with your marriage or family.

None of us should have to carry anxiety and trouble alone there should always be someone there to speak with when we’re feeling down and out which can easily turn into depression which can lead to breaking down our immune system and ladies yes you can become sick.  I directly attribute my cancer (both times) to my being so stressed in life that my body was not able to ward off the disease therefore, keeping yourself mentally fit even during harsh times is vital to your mind and soul.

Every one of us in a marriage or relationship with or without children has come to a moment when things aren’t right and something has to be done in order to preserve the bond and return to where it began that blissful, energetic and wonderful instance which brought you together and believe me mom can be the best resource of your life. If your apprehension is her judgment or advice consider this (which my daughter does all the time) “mom I have an issue and at this juncture I’d like you too listen and not give me any of your thoughts can you do that?”  Oh my gosh I take a deep breathe as I know it’ll be one of those periods where I may have to bite my tongue thus I think about my mood and instantly ask myself if I can keep still while she talks, which means DON’T INTERRUPT HER WHILE SHE SHARES HER STORY then I usually ask if you want advice in the future or just comments let me know and yes I think I can do it if it gets hard we’ll go to another subject and I’ll listen another time and then she proceeds to tell me what’s going on and how she’s coping.  My daughter knows how much I love her and we often have conversations regarding how she raises her kids and most of the time we are not in agreement however we’ll established that although I have opinions and sometimes she’ll consider my thoughts the final choices are hers and I strive to respect her place and truly believe my being there for her and her allowing me some comments can help deliver a solution to her issues.

Therefore I’m suggesting daughters ask their moms a few questions prior to conflict and set the ground rules for mom being the one she’ll call in the face of a problem after all we are unconditional in our love for our kids and even though at times we want to scream rant and rave over what they’re doing we love them and want only to see their lives filled with happiness.  Regarding judging what she does with her family of course there is always some conclusion and opinion about what your kids tell you however what I’ve learned is maybe my way isn’t the best way during this time in our children’s lives and if that’s the case we have to realize the importance of listening and supporting our daughters while they venture forward working towards resolving family issues knowing there is someone to come to if they need us.  A mom being there is the best assistance a daughter could ever want while she goes out to conflict I remember my mom always being there when I needed to vent and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell her how much just listening to me meant and the importance of her role during my difficult times.  I’m sure she had her feelings about my choices and most of the time didn’t agree however when I needed to escape she was there and when I left she probably died a thousand deaths knowing my options were destined to failure and today I needed her to listen and she did.  However she seemed to recognize when it was best not to give an opinion and my God I’m grateful for those times because we certainly also had our battles and my attitude of her were not always positive.  However that was then and this is now and honestly I was probably her hardest child to love of her kids defiance was my middle name and I always thought I knew everything better than her, thus when I suggest these guidelines to you and your mom, it comes from my heart and I pray you’ll listen and ask her to be there for you during the toughest times of your passage as guidance and strength to get beyond the dark clouds.

There is nothing more important or valuable then family to most moms and if you can establish lines of communication with her (and it may take effort and patience) do it when you don’t need to tell her anything important however let her know the next time you may even share a secret and can she listen and not judge you letting her know it’s your worst fear.  Ask mom to read this post and discuss your concern  regarding her judgment or not being able to let you make the choices after you speak, and how important it would be that you know she’ll be there if you need her and on your terms.  She might surprise you and say yes and even if she falls off the wagon and gets angry once in awhile, none of us are perfect let her know you’ll end the conversation and hope you can try again another time.  Imagine having mom unconditionally there in the background knowing no matter what you say or do she’ll be there to help you through it is there anything more assuring while you meander through this world filled with the unexpected I think not, therefore mom’s now you know what your kids need can you do it?  Can you decide how and what your job is when they need you and how you’ll graciously make your point or just listen and know which is best for the moment it won’t be easy however, it will be rewarding and productive to your daughters world and her family.  If you have any ideas as to how as moms or daughters we can make our case share your thoughts as a comment because I’m always trying to improve my tactics because I’m so dam opinionated and have learned it doesn’t make me always right did you hear that; hugs and hope you’ll share your thoughts with me I may need them.