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What is a friend?

19 August 2009 16 Comments

When you’re blessed with real friends

friends How do you determine if you really have a true friend or a fair weather person in your existence is there some manual you should read or seminar you could attend which would describe what a friend is and what it will mean for you? Furthermore can a friend be a sibling or a parent or is it exclusive to non relatives and how long does it take to prove a friendship so you can be sure they’re your friend and as in marriage will they be there throughout you life when the good bad and ugly become part of your world and it affects their being as well?

So many questions and I’m sure as I continue to ask these questions of myself I’ll come up with more instead of answers and yet I’ve had the same friends in my life a few for over 40 years and yes we have our good and bad times although our friendships remain strong, sometimes we distance ourselves from each other for short periods of time so we can think about our differences however in the end we’re always there when needed and I believe your family can be a friend as well, it’s what your idea of a of the relationship is and what you need from them to maintain that bond.

I have two brothers and two sisters and I’m confident they are my family and my friend and of course we don’t like each other all the time and during some periods of our lives we didn’t like each other a lot. However I knew at all times if I needed any one of them they would be there as though nothing ever happened between us and I’m convinced they felt the same about me trusting I’d be there whenever they needed thus I wonder what makes that bond and how do you keep it so that support and love is always there, once again, more questions then answers.

Thus, at 12:30 AM this Thursday morning I leave you with another question have you ever wondered about your friends and who they were in your life and how much you could depend on them if you needed their help? Would they be there to comfort and see you through what life gives you and would you be willing to do the same for them when and if they needed you to do something out of the ordinary because when I looked up the word friend I read words such as being emotionally close, someone you can trust or thinks well of you and is willing to help you out or be your ally, not an enemy and I know that I am blessed with family and friends who are there for me whenever I need them hence, do you agree and can you share your ideas and how they have impacted your life and emotional being because I know they are part of me and my fabric and I often pray I have them for all of my life on this earth and I tell them so all the time do you?

16 Comments »

Grampa Ken: Social Fix said:

A friend quickly forgets those incidents that would become barriers. When you say or do something wrong it’s so nice when the other acts as if it never happened. This is a dear friend.

And from the really old timers:
“The rule of friendship means there should be mutual sympathy between them, each supplying what the other lacks and trying to benefit the other, always using friendly and sincere words.” – Buddha

“Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.” – Marcus Cicero

# 20 August 2009 at 8:23 am

PJ said:

there are different categories of friends, i believe. for me, a lot of them are acquaintances. those are the people that you know and can have conversations with, but you are not really going to tell them anything very personal.

then i have some friends that i can be more personal with as long as it isn’t something too personal. they are the ones that i can hang out with and have fun, but i really wouldn’t feel like i could trust them completely.

then i have a handful of friends that i would be comfortable with talking about anything knowing that it wouldn’t go any farther and they wouldn’t judge me on what i was telling them. i know that my life secrets would be safe with them, and if there was anything that i needed and it was in there power they would help me out, as i would them. those people i consider part of my family. i don’t think that there has to be a bloodline to be family.

then there are some that i have never met in person before that i consider part of my virtual family. the only difference with them is that we aren’t able to hang out physically. i believe our bond is just as real.

well, that’s my take on friendship. you have a wonderful day my dear friend…xoxox

# 20 August 2009 at 10:52 am

Shinade aka Jackie said:

I can’t say it any better than PJ did. My husband is my best friend and I am just not saying that either. He truly is my closest ally and we have more fun together than I do with anyone else.

Then I have my neighbor who is like a big sister to me. We are polar opposites relating to just about everything from religion to politics. Yet we have a very strong bond that has held fast for almost a decade now.

Then I have my online family. I really do consider some of my online friends to be some of the best friends I have ever had. I would be lost without my blog and all of my wonderful friends I have met while blogging.

Then there are my children. I am closer to my oldest as a friend and confidant. My youngest, 33, loves me just as much but has a lot going on in her life and we only chat about once a week or so.

My oldest calls me everyday sometimes several times a day and we discuss everything.

We moved a lot when I was a child. so I don’t have any friendships that survived from my younger years. I lost contact. It’s hard to make truly tight life time friends when you are in a new school and town every year.

I hope you are sleep better tonight. I am sending you some magical twinkling little dust that will help you fall asleep ever so gently and have beautiful dreams.

I have to go and shut down now. We have really bad storms headed our way again. No tornadoes have been reported as of yet but we have high winds, heavy lightening, rain and hail headed in.

I will get back online as soon as possible. Oh I do so hope I get some good pictures this time too…but no damage!!

OooPpppssss didn’t mean to write a small book! Forgive me!!
Big hugs for you,
Jackie

# 20 August 2009 at 4:25 pm

FishHawk said:

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# 21 August 2009 at 1:57 am

Nothing profound said:

My policy is to treat everyone as my best friend until proven otherwise. The worst way to live is to be guarded and suspicious and the best to be open and free. I figure whatever unpleasantness or disappointment happens between me and another person I can handle it. It won’t kill me. So why be afraid?

# 21 August 2009 at 8:44 am

Robin Easton said:

The overriding beauty I see in this post is again the ‘realness’ of your view of friendship and family.

I’ve found that people often move into friendship and relationships with unrealistic and often unspoken expectations (that they don’t even know they have) and these expectations can include: you must “never let me down…ever” (or you’re crossed off my list), never disagree with me, never break my trust, never have a past the I might not like, never show more (or as much) interest in another friend or family member than you show in me (even fleetingly), never show any of your humanity that makes mistakes, is weak, insecure, and particularly unsure of our friendship/relationship, never doubt me or distrust me, never question my love for you, never, never, never. It’s a HUGE load.

I have found that since we’re ALL human with a VAST storehouse of human traits, both likable and unlikable that if we go into a relationship with this HUGE armload of expectations the relationship is often doomed to failure or disappointment. My personal choice is to allow for both another’s humanity and my own. It makes for a rich relationship. I guess I feel this way because I’ve taken a good LONG HARD look at my own shortcomings AND embraced them. So I am comfortable with embracing the humanity in others.

This doesn’t mean I let people walk all over me, I don’t anymore. I am good at setting solid boundaries in a calm loving way. I’m good at looking at what is appropriate for me and what isn’t and then seeing what I need to do to live that appropriateness.

This a wonderful post, you really speak so beautifully honest. That’s how life is; it’s REAL. Thank you for the gift. Hugs, Robin

PS: I think I’ll do a post about this sometime. You always inspire me.

# 21 August 2009 at 11:56 am

Kat said:

I also cannot say it any better than PJ or any of the other commentators. There is so much to say about friendship or aquaintances, and some never learn the difference. I have trusted too many fair weather friends and ended up being burned in the end.

An award is waiting for you over at Candles, Crafts and Whatnot. Congrats!

Kat

# 22 August 2009 at 9:32 pm

Tina said:

i agree a family member can bea good friend if not a better one than normal friends sometimes

# 23 August 2009 at 12:03 pm

vicki/daisydilly said:

Good friends come in all forms. I’m very good friends with my middle aunt. She tells me things she might not tell other family members–sometimes not always good!! I have trusted people whom I thought we’re friends only to be turned on when things went a different way than they thought it should. We all need solid friends no matter where they come from.

# 23 August 2009 at 3:36 pm

LaShan said:

Hi Dorothy… I have to agree that PJ said it wonderfully. I enjoy all of my friends… be they family… acquaintances… online friends… or those who feel like sisters.

And speaking of friends… I left you some love over on my blog

A Lil Enchanted,
~LaShan~

# 24 August 2009 at 12:20 pm

Iyan1982 said:

Gladd to be here n see your blog agains grandma

# 24 August 2009 at 4:10 pm

Bring Back Pluto said:

Hi Dorothy,
I would define friendship as mutual caring. This can be on many levels.

Some friends are with you from childhood and travel with you through every chapter of your life.

Some friends do certain activities with you like, tennis, golf or book club. The closeness might not be as deep but they’re still your friend and you like one another.

And of course family. What’s the saying, “You can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends.” When you actually choose someone in your family to be your friend, that is the closest bond you can have. Because blood is blood after all. This includes Parents and kids. Brother and sister. Etc.

Your Friend,
Bring Back Pluto

# 24 August 2009 at 7:51 pm

C said:

I have just had so much experience already, so far, in my life, with fake friends and real friends. Fake friends can really break you if you let them. I think that somehow, you just know in your heart, whose for real and whose not.

Thank you for visiting me and for your comment.

# 30 August 2009 at 8:02 am

the baxteria said:

I think friendship is also measure by time. You can’t really know what you’re into until you experienced the bad and know someone is there. This post has made me question the people I let into my life, who’s left and who’s gone. I am lucky to have met those whom I feel the same way you described.

# 30 August 2009 at 7:00 pm