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Ponting our children in the right direction for life

29 October 2009 15 Comments

Our kids need to be given a direction to get it right

get it right My daughter is trying to be less confrontational with her family and feel confident as she takes charge of their behavior and assumes responsibility for what she expects from her children and they are sensing her determination and they’re surprised at how secure mom has become (they can’t make her feel guilty) when she insists they follow her rules and is consistent and firm in what she requires them to do.

Therefore, the other day we joked while talking on the phone and she reiterated things she said and I found myself saying Sherry your starting to sound just like me and then she laughed and for the very first time said “mom, I know sometimes I can hardly keep a straight face when I realize I’m beginning to be more like you” oh that sounded so good I couldn’t stop smiling as every mother wants to know when their child approves of who they were to them and I think my daughter feels I was an alright mom. However on a more serious note I was usually more aggressive in my tone and actions and gratefully a long time ago my daughter and I decided you can accomplish the same objective and not have to be a raving maniac and it’s healthier for the kids. Clearly I’m not diminishing my mothering or the kind of parent I was because I’m convinced I was and am a remarkable mom however my delivery was similar to my mothers and she was abrupt and sometimes screamed and yelled to make her point and as I grow older and smarter I think there can be a better method which will still have a constructive impact while maintaining my mom’s values which were exceptional.

Thus Sherry has taught me many things during our mother daughter conversations I’d listen and not always give an opinion until I processed the advice or criticism (which I got a lot) and if you’re able to do this both sides can benefit and grow from the experience. My ideas were different I never understood how parents wouldn’t demand kids keep their rooms clean or get themselves ready for school make them do chores when they get up instead of thinking they should be able to poke around be waited on that they were above doing their part around the house and we’d argued about this for years as I felt this pattern was important toward developing standards which reflected what would be expected in school or when they’d get a job being on time doing their best as life would be tough and when they grow up and begin their own families they’d be ready. Consequently there was no room to feel sorry for yourself because life is not a bowl of cherries and as simple as that saying goes there’s a lot of wisdom in its meaning and the sooner you get it as a parent the better your children will be equipped to go ahead in life and make it on their own. Hence when I hear parents say they think the younger generation is filled with children who feel entitled to an easy time and are lazy or self centered I don’t believe it’s all of our children however when kids think the world revolves around them it’s your job as parents to introduce them to the harsh facts of life and teach them the world doesn’t and won’t take care of them they will need to do that themselves and only when more parents realize this will we have less self centered and children who act and feel they’re owed a living and instead earn a living for themselves by hard work and strength of mind. So my conversation with my daughter today made me pleased as it seems she knows even though you may want to make life easier for the kids it’s not in their best interest and helping them become independent should be your goal. Sherry realizes sheltering kids will not prepare them for their future they need to do their part and nothing will make that easy so as you think about your kids and what you do for them ask yourself if it’ll help them with the necessities they need to be successful when you’re not around. Observe if they are on time for appointments and work hard at what ever level they’re able in school to achieve success. Make sure they do their part at home not inform you it’s not their job because whenever I hear that from my grandchildren I wanted to cringe and scream are you kidding this is our home not just my home. Ask yourself do they respect the things you’ve given them, do they know they’ll have to get a job and work one day and maybe not even like what they do until they finish college and begin what their real passion in life might be. Have you explained the difference of finding their passion in a field which will be a life long career and can take time to accomplish, verses that first job the first step to making it all happen? There is a difference and if you teach them to plan and be patient they will be successful however this doesn’t just happen to our kids it has to be learned and yes they have teachers and school however much of the habits and attitude begin at home. And therefore I see my daughter consider all of this with her family finally and I thought maybe you’d like to think about some of these things yourself as values are the same for all of us and sharing is what we do as bloggers and we’d love to hear what you think as well because our children should be the most important resource we have in our lives your future and mine depend on their kindness and attitude toward mankind especially as we grow older. Therefore if we raise them to be isolated and non caring or irresponsible and violent it’s exactly what we can expect when we need their help or care and darn my mother she taught me to be strong willed, determined and able to be cope with everything life has given me and it seems the next generation is heading in the same direction and it doesn’t just happen we must teach dedication, patience, to our children along with hard work so they are able to follow in our footsteps healthier then before finding out where we can improve from our past making the future even better for our wonderful families as they live on.

15 Comments »

willie said:

hi,

Educating children ain’t easy huh? Many parents do want their children to grow up like them.

I agree that responsibilities to educate our children rest on parents because life out there is indeed harsh.

Happy teaching.

# 29 October 2009 at 8:29 pm

sherry said:

Hi mom,
I havent been on the site in quite a while. Your writing is great and I love this piece. You have alot of talent mom keep on writing. Maybe you could consider an ask Dorothy kind of section.

Love ,

me (sherry)

# 29 October 2009 at 9:09 pm

askcherlock said:

There is so much great insight in your post. There is no guide book for parenting, is there? I guess if we can impart strong values and teach our children that the world owes them nothing, they will be more autonomous and make better decisions.

# 30 October 2009 at 2:10 pm

Mel Alarilla said:

I admire your old fashioned values and discipline in life which you were able to impart to your children and they are now being imparted to your grandchildren. I admire people who can actually tell their children to tow their line without inviting rebellion from them. We know how rebellious kids nowadays who could always threaten their parents that they (the children) would call 911 for child abuse. Sometimes, kids follow more what their parents do than what their parents say. I always believe that if we entrust to the Lord the care of our kids, it will be easier for parents to discipline their kids. Thanks for the enlightened post. God bless you always.

# 30 October 2009 at 3:32 pm

PJ said:

all you can really do as a parent is to teach your kids what you know. teach them to respect others, teach them accountability, teach them empathy, teach them right from wrong. then ultimately it is in their hands. they will make mistakes and grow and learn from them in their own way and time. if you do the best that you can do, that’s really all you can do.

have a great day dorothy…hugz!

# 31 October 2009 at 9:32 am

Mary Anne Gruen said:

Parenting is the hardest job in the world and no mistake.

I’ve given you an award at my blog http://www.StarlightBlog.com Don’t worry if you don’t have time to do the whole award thing. Just know that your blog is appreciated.

# 31 October 2009 at 5:24 pm

Julie@Momspective said:

You are truly an inspiration and a fantastic role model!

# 1 November 2009 at 3:37 pm

Tina t said:

I have never appreciated my mom as much as I did once I had kids. I’m sure my kids won’t really appreciate our role as parents, especially all the times we need to say no, until they have children of their own. I agree that the goal is to help them be independent and move them in that direction.

For me parenting is not the linear process that I thought it would be. I thought I would progressively get better at it over time the way we do with other endeavors, but I find there are steps forward, steps back and I am constantly adjusting my approach as they get older. I just keep reminding myself that the goal is to have them grow into fine young who care about others, and overall they’re getting there, even though there are certainly good days and bad days.

# 1 November 2009 at 8:26 pm

Maria @ Conversations with Moms said:

I’m having those conversations with my youngest brother right now about his passion, school and career. My sons are too young right now; 4yrs old and 11 months but at least I’m getting some practice.

Very well written and I love what you wrote.

# 2 November 2009 at 9:01 am

Peter McCartney said:

I love my father dearly but when people say, especially my wife, that I’m beginning to sound like him, he drives me crazy! I am not my father, I keep telling them!

# 2 November 2009 at 5:25 pm

Pia said:

thank you for leaving a comment on my blog.

Father, i lift up to you gramma. i pray for continued good health. i pray that you bless her with long and blissful life. thank you, Lord, for hearing our prayers. thank you that you are in control. in Jesus’ name, amen.

# 3 November 2009 at 12:18 am

iceah said:

thanx for the constant visits dear c:

I also want to appreciate on how you talk issues here in your blog c: it is very essential now a days specially on handling kids and teens as well. I can’t help but read the article you wrote below this story and it is sad how teens view differently today. I wish I would also be an instrument on how to reach out to them and know how to communicate to them how to value relationships. Friendship is very important to start relationships and still end friends hopefully. Communication plays a crucial role and this is my major I do hope and pray that the gift that the Lord bestowed on communicators like the media would not be tinted with focus on money and fame plus being branded as the best but no good values is shared to the public specially the kids/viewers.

# 3 November 2009 at 2:27 am

iceah said:

I don’t mind if i sound like my mom or dad c: I just know they were doing it and I am doing it thinking of what’s best for my child and that is because we love them and it for their own good c:

and that is what I appreciate from my parents specially now that I’m a parent c:

# 3 November 2009 at 2:34 am

dhemz said:

very inspirational….

came here to visit….btw, I would like to ask a favor if you could help us vote for my daughter…if you have time….your help is much appreciated….thanks!

* You can Vote for Akesha by answering this question and post the whole sentence as your comment:
Question: Akesha is my winning Pinoy Smile because…——–

Note: You can cast your vote and comment everyday. Thanks!

# 5 November 2009 at 5:05 pm