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Internet Dating soars: hot stares out, love-at-first-click in?

9 February 2010 20 Comments

A friend of mine casually mentioned the other day that she was using speedating, a website, to “date.” You get a few minutes to “meet” the other person, on camera. You then decide to meet them or not.

Simple, quick, easy. No commitments. No embarassment. Little risk.

Another friend of mine met her husband-to-be on a web dating site and yet another met his girlfriend (it’s now very serious) on a web dating site.

And then at lunch yet ANOTHER friend told me SHE was using an online dating service!

It used to be that you’d be embarassed to use a dating service. Now thanks to Facebook and social media, the taboo is GONE. What has happened? Why? And is dating via the internet a good thing or a bad thing?

Sounds like it’s mostly good, right? Especially if these cases I mentioned are any indication. I’d love to hear some comments.

I first dated my husband when I was in high school and we didn’t reconnect for more than 20 years. I remember meeting him as a teenager. He used to lean against a wall outside the cafeteria and watch me secretly out of the corner of his eye. Like I didnt’ know. Like my temperature didn’t rise a few degrees just at the sight of him. Like I couldn’t practically FEEL his glances at me turn into a laser-hot stare when I turned my back!

What is it about human chemistry and attraction, you know, that punch-you-in-the-gut, heart-racing, heat flush of pure, undistilled DESIRE you feel when you meet someone that for some reason, inexplicably, unscientifically, unexpectedly just knocks you OUT. That you simply cannot NOT meet, or date or kiss? Is it scent? Is it body shape or type? Is it what is in their eyes? Is if often by CHANCE! Or is it, well, FATE?

And how does internet dating make up for this humbling, amazing, powerful primal thing? Maybe it doesn’t happen in that first glance, maybe it’s not “love at first sight,” maybe the love stories we will pass along to our grandchildren in the years to come will be about “love at first click?“

My husband asked me the other day how someone could POSSIBLY feel like they want to be with a person forever after only a month (talking about our kids, no doubt!), and I asked: “how long did it take you to KNOW with us.”

He glanced down. He looked out the window. Put his hands in his pocket. Kinda like he used to when I used to pass him outside the cafeteria.

And said…quietly, almost under his breath. “It took me about two minutes.”

When is that moment of “knowing” in Internet Dating? I’d like to hear your thoughts…

20 Comments »

C said:

No, it’s actually not hard to imagine, grandma D.

You see, before, not so long ago, we only met people if we had a chance to meet them face-to-face. And then the rest of the world was unattainable unless you had a whole lot of money to fly all around the world to meet people.

Today, thanks to social networking, we are no longer restricted and constrained. We can easily meet and talk to people in other parts of the world, from the convenience of our own home.

And think about this–even if you DO meet someone you really like in person first, like at a party–do you REALLY go up and talk to the person? Chances are–no. But, through social networking, you can talk to anybody you like, about anything you like, anytime, anywhere.

It’s truly an even better way to meet people.

I don’t do online dating sites, but FB is a great way to meet people from all over the world!

Try it!

# 9 February 2010 at 11:17 pm

Lyn said:

I don’t know that I would do the internet dating thing, but I’ve reconnected with some old friends from way back, high school and shortly after that, and I’ve had a few dates that way. I’ve also met friends of internet-friends. In other words, friends of people I’ve never met, but that I’ve talked with over a couple years via blogs or Facebook, and feel comfortable that they are decent sorts. Then they cyber-introduced me to their friends, and I’ve met for lunch with a couple gentlemen that way.

It is a strange new world, isn’t it?

# 9 February 2010 at 11:32 pm

C said:

I have an award for you on my blog! It’s called “the happy blog award” and I pass this award on to you, because you make me happy!

♥
C

# 10 February 2010 at 12:32 am

Anya said:

No
not for me dating on the internet !!!!
Funny post

# 10 February 2010 at 5:53 am

Kay Dennison said:

Been there; done that; have decided that dating anywhere isn’t for me!

# 10 February 2010 at 8:27 am

askcherlock said:

Internet dating scares the beegeebers out of me. You can’t really KNOW who you are dealing with. Well, maybe if you hire a P.I. to do a background check first you might. It’s a scary world out there.

# 10 February 2010 at 2:55 pm

meleah rebeccah said:

One of my close girlfriends has been using online dating sites and after listening to all of HER horror stories I cannot IMAGINE online dating for myself. But, I have also heard REALLY GOOD things about online dating and I even have one friend who is getting married after meeting him via website dating. I think you just need to be REALLY careful WHO you chose to go out with on these sites!

# 10 February 2010 at 3:52 pm

Anna's Adornments said:

Dear Dorothy,
I don’t know if I have found the right place to leave my comment. This article is interesting, but I don’t have much to say about it as yet — maybe later on…
What I would like to do is to thank Dorothy for her kind words about my WW post with Calle Cat. I was not really even finished posting it, and wham! I get a nice comment that warms the heart.
Bless you!
Anna

# 10 February 2010 at 6:09 pm

rosebelle said:

I believe in fate and I do believe that if you met your soul mate, you just know it and feel it. This kind of feeling is hard to verbalize; it’s something that is just felt.

My coworker told me about her daughter who met her ex-husband using one of those internet dating services. They hit off instantly, got married, had one child together, and are now divorced. The daughter admitted that after living with her ex, she realized that he was not who she thought/wanted him to be. I don’t remember how long they were married though. As for me, I don’t think I would be bold to venture out on the net to meet someone.

# 10 February 2010 at 7:03 pm

C said:

I don’t think you should jump into marrying someone you met on the internet, just the same as you shouldn’t jump into marrying anyone you meet in person.

Everybody gets divorced, whether they met in person, or whether they met online.

# 10 February 2010 at 11:10 pm

OldOldLady Of The Hills said:

I LOVE what your Husband said! It really made me smile. And that is how it is, a lot! As to Internet Dating…I don’t know a lot about it except I DO know two young women who met their Husbands that way and so far these are successful marriages…both about 15 years….!
We do live in a different time and so very many people are trying to find a way of meeting people that doesn’t involve Bars and Drinking, etc….Whatever works, I say.

# 11 February 2010 at 12:20 am

One of The Guys said:

Online dating is just another way to meet people. People are so busy, with careers and such, it’s sometimes difficult to find the time to meet people. Bars are certainly not any better, and once you’re out of school it’s a whole other ballgame. And if you’re divorced or older forget about it! So I think it’s a good thing, as long as people are cautious.

Cute story about your husband.

Yes, I said, “Cute.” I am a daddy you know!

# 11 February 2010 at 6:31 am

Peter McCartney said:

Hi! Yes, internet dating is on the up and up. One of my mates swears by them. Now, as you know my background you won’t be surprised to find out that I fell in love with my wife-to-be over someones bottom. Yes, we were doing pressure care on the elderly man, who funny enough mentioned to my future wife that I was perving on her legs and whatnots! Take Care – Peter

# 11 February 2010 at 7:09 pm

Marion Vermazen said:

I met my husband on Match.com. Then we dated for 7 years before we got married. I never thought I would use an internet dating sight but I realized that if I restricted myself to people I meet the old fashioned way I would start to feel like there was a shortage of men and I might even decide to settle. I never thought I would remarry I just wanted to meet some people. My life is so much better as a result.

# 13 February 2010 at 11:04 am

Joanie M said:

Dorothy,
I met my “significant other”, John via the internet. We’ve now been together more than 3 years. No marriage plans in the foreseeable future (although he has asked me several times). I get alimony from the ex and I earned every penny of that money (I was
married for 23 years when I was traded in for a 35 year old… I was just shy of 50)! It’s a paycheck!! So, until the alimony runs out (Dec 2014), I’m not getting married!

John is also a cancer survivor (lymphoma) He recently had a stem cell transplant and we have our fingers crossed that the cancer is, indeed, gone!

Got off-track, sorry. For John and me, it was definitely lust at first sight. Not sure about love at first sight. We traded emails for several weeks and then phone calls for several weeks before agreeing to meet. It helped that we looked like our pictures! LOL

I DEFINITELY fought the love thing! The first time he told me he loved me, I told him to shut up and not say that again! After a while, he told me it was ok that I didn’t tell him I loved him. My actions were speaking way louder than my words! So I caved and admitted it. I was so afraid to love again! I didn’t want to be hurt like that ever again.

Anyway, thanks so much for stopping my my blog!

# 18 February 2010 at 6:44 pm

Mesozoic said:

internet dating sites…

Great articles & Nice a site….

# 22 February 2010 at 12:02 pm

how to get back with your ex girlfriend said:

how to get back with your ex girlfriend…

This is one of my favorite articles all week….

# 27 February 2010 at 10:06 am

how to get girlfriend back said:

how to get girlfriend back…

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# 27 February 2010 at 2:15 pm

bingkee said:

I met my husband thru match.com, an online dating site. We didn’t really chat online because as soon as we found each other online, he then gave me his number and I called. I was the one who was screening out people based on telephone conversations after screening them thru online. The first phone conversation seemed like we’d known each other for so long and it lasted three hours, and on the first “real personal” date, we clicked and we just found setting up dates again and again and again until we really dated exclusively. We dated for 8 months before we got married, and now we’re celebrating our 6th anniversary on the 20th of this month.
He’s the best friend and best “man” I’ve ever met in my life –better than anyone else I met in person. People say they have horror stories about online dating but I guess it’s fate that led us to meet through online.

# 9 March 2010 at 5:30 pm