Below is an account of the life  a Marine  when he served in Iraq I’ve had this for weeks and found it difficult to post as I wondered what you’d think of this young man’s account of war.  Thus I’m ready for your thoughts I know it’s made me want to get down on my knees and say thank you to every man and women who  ever has and now serves our country thus keeps our borders safe so I wonder do we give them enough thanks and care when they return.   I think about past soldiers who haven’t been treated as well as they should have and I know we can‘t make it up however, we can do better with our future for them and we should thus, please read this and give me some thoughts as this is in his words not mine.

Near Death

I joined the Marines in 2005.  I went through boot camp, school, and then to the fleet.  I was stationed in Camp Pendleton California.  Two months into my career as a Marine we were told we would be going to Iraq.  It was April, and by June we were on our way.  I flew through Canada, to Ireland, and then landed in Kuwait.  After we landed in Kuwait we were flown to Fallujah Iraq.  After we were settled in, we started our turn over and learned our Area of Operation.  That is when my new life truly began.  For an entire month I lived in a hole which I had to dig.  Our diet consisted of MREs (meals ready to eat) and water.  To stay warm we would sleep as close to our buddy as possible.  I slept for about three or four hours on a good night.  I and my fellow Marines carried a 60 lbs vest, our guns, water, food, ammunition, and basic living essentials.  On the average, we had about 100 lbs extra on our back and body.  Exhaustion hit my body daily.  On the average, my squad and I would walk 15 to 20 miles a day.  Showers did not exist.  When our toothpaste ran out we didn’t brush your teeth. When there was no more food we did not eat. If we had no water we did not drink.  My body burned not only from the 120 degree heat, but the blistering sun.  The smell of ammonia was around often from the sweat in our clothes which we never could wash out.  Blisters, aches, pains, sun burn were all obstacles we had to overcome and just accept as a daily part of life.  We ate when we did have time, but really if there was extra time we just wanted to sleep.  I went there weighing 185 lbs.  When I left Iraq I weighed about 155.  Two days into the beginning of each month we went back to base, and we were able to shower and call home, receive our letters and other miscellaneous mail.

One day out on a patrol it started to turn dark. The air was chilled, and I could see my breath as if I was smoking a cigarette.  Around 2300 hours our patrol ended, and at 2400 hours we received a call to react on pop shots that had been taken at one of our vehicles.  My squad and I suited back up and headed out.  Not even ten minutes had passed when, pop, crack, the sound of bullets hitting our vehicle was heard.  Immediate adrenaline ran through my body.  My entire body went numb; my vanes bulged out of my skin.  I could not wait to get out of the vehicle to face this terror.  I was finally about to get into the fight.  The humvee stopped, and I opened the door, pop, crack, bullets bounced off the humvee right next to where I was standing.  I tried to move but it was as if there was cement around my feet, holding me back.  I snapped back into reality and started to engage our enemies.  That night our fire fight lasted for over 2 hours. About 2 months later my squad was sent out to a Sniper Mission.  We had to scope out a small village.  On our way back we hit an IED (improvised explosive device).  I remember bits and pieces of the attack.  The first thing that happened was a loud bang, and the sharp feeling of debris hitting my skin as if being stung by bees.   Pure silence came next.  It was as if I entered my own world of darkness.  There was no noise, no visions, nothing but black.  After I started to come to again I remember running my hands up and down my body to see if my limbs were still attached.  Thankfully they were, and also a good sign was that there was no blood that I could see.  My ears were still silent except for a loud ringing in both ears.  The kind of ring that sounded like the ear tests you get at the doctors.  I saw stars, I was dizzy and had trouble standing and speaking.  I remember chaos, the sounds of men shrieking in fear, and in pain, everything was happening so fast.  Eventually everything calmed down and we had all been taken back to base to be checked out by the medics.  We were given a night to rest.  The next day the patrols continued, as did the fire fights, I was blown up three different times on my first tour to Iraq alone.  I thought about life and death on a day to day basis.

That night I called my family, I told them what had happened.  I didn’t give great detail but enough information so they knew that I was ok and why I was back on base.  My father, mother, brothers and sisters were all scared but grateful to hear my voice and find comfort in knowing I was okay.  I remember telling them how much I loved them.  The first thing I thought about was how it would have been if I died that night.  What if I never got to hear my families’ voice again?  What if I never had a chance to tell them that I loved them?  What if I never saw my nieces and nephews?  My experience with war, life and death situations, has taught me that life is to be treasured and valued, as is the love of one another.  I have learned to never take for granted a phone call home or a letter from Mom and Dad.  I also learned that you need to live with gratitude and joy; for we did nothing to earn another day of life.  I agree with that old saying “live everyday as if it were your last,” but live smart.

This is a story that can really be called “Paradise by the Dash Board Light”

The artist Meatloaf and his song Paradise by the Dash Board Light, is a real life meat and potato story about a used car dealer and an Alpaca Ranch.

 About 10 years a local Car Dealer, Ken Currie of Ken Currie Motors, Inc, from Niagara Falls, NY bought a 100 acre piece of property in the Town Of Porter. With a pull barn on the land he stored cars boats and what ever else to cover the taxes until he found a use for this scenic view.  Ken being the family man that he is included his children Ken Jr. and Kelly to embark on a “Doctor Doolittle” type adventure.

 Doing some research into the Alpaca animals finding a wonderful large animal vet and picking out the first two “pet quality” animals.  Alpaca Paradise was born!

 Roxbury and Sneaker’s (our first two male alpaca) walking toward us through a pasture was an exciting sight to see. Ken traveled to find two beautiful female, pregnant alpacas that gave us “Bambi” our first cria.  After that we bought the father and herd sire Royal Debutant Four more females were purchased and one more stud  we now have after 6 years 36 alpaca living on the ranch.

 We also have a family of Peafowl these are beautiful birds that are a delight to see.

 We love to show off our “critters” Alpaca Paradise is a privilege that Ken gave to all of those who want to be involved.  Along the way friends have joined in Bill, Lisa, Nicole, Mike and many others have signed up for the adventure

 They grow a fabulous fleece over the winter that we shear in the spring.  We send it to a distributor that cleans spins and creates some of our alpaca fashions.  We have our cria’s born in the early summer; they are a sight to see.  We give tours of our lovely ranch where the animals are very receptive.  We have had special education groups come to visit along with the “regulars” that just love to be near the critters.  We would love to have everyone visit our alpaca homestead.

 You can follow Alpaca Paradises progress on our upcoming website ALPACAPARADISE.COM  In the mean time call Ken @716-523-3444 or Kelly @ 716-583-9339.  As always, thank you for watching us grow

 Kelly Davis

I posted about a client of mine back in July, under one of my Dear Debbie posts. The woman was sad, she had lost her happiness and the husband was concerned. They were both suffering, in fact, so were the kids. A family affected by sadness.  (To visit Debbie’s site click on Debbies Picture)

The first session included hubby. She sat in the chair rolled up like a ball, he sat across the room, constantly interjecting his thoughts and interpreting for her. By the end of the session, she laughed for the first time in two years. Second session, she returned with hubby, who sat in the waiting room this time. We worked on her finding her voice. She started to practice speaking up, feeling worthy of her words and being heard. She went home to practice singing loudly, making her needs and desires known and affirming her value. The third session we began to discuss how her relationships were shifting as she was changing. Again, hubby waited in the waiting room.

Today’s session, she drove to my office alone. ALONE! She had prepared a list of changes she had noticed and concerns she still encountered. She will be returning to work very soon and therefore encountering a person and memories of what began her recent journey into sadness. We reviewed her list. With each concern she had, I was able to show her how far she had progressed. These concerns were not anything she ever could have voiced originally. She began to smile, realizing how tough she had been on herself.

Then I asked her about the return to work and the memories of what had occurred. She began to fret. I asked her a few more probing questions and her shoulders began to hurt. She was physically reacting to my line of questions. So, I had her close her eyes and breath deeply. Then she was to imagine a large bucket in front of her. Into that bucket, I instructed her to begin placing the parts of the pain she could identify. We would later burn that rubbish, when she had filled the bucket. When she became stuck, we invited the offending party to sit in a chair next to the bucket. This person was not permitted to speak, simply listen.

My client began to express all the anger she had towards this individual. She told of the pain she had felt and she felt her family had suffered as a result of their situation. She got angry, her face red, she cried real tears. She was amazingly strong. She told this person how she had trusted, befriended them. She stated how hard she had worked; “I tried really hard for you”, she raged. She proclaimed how she had changed and stated, “I just need you to know I’ve changed.” Then, slowly, she began to slow down and forgive this individual. Releasing this person from her life, allowing healing to begin. As she sat and wept, I quietly asked her, ” you said you tried really hard for the other, what if instead, you tried really hard for yourself? How would that feel?” She smiled, slightly and continued crying softly.

After a few moments, I asked her, “you stated that you just need the other to know you’ve changed, what if you just know and accept how much you’ve changed?” Again, a smile and a quiet calm seemed to be coming over her. Then, I asked, ” what if this person is neither good or bad? What if they are simply a combination, like you and I are, of both good and bad moments and qualities? Imagine if this person was simply in your life to teach you about yourself. Fulfilling a role as a teacher?”

She slowly quieted completely.

Next, she told me she wanted to get rid of the bucket, not burn it’s contents. So, we attached a helium balloon and watched it float off into the jet stream until it was gone.

When we were complete, I walked her to the door. I said, “You have graduated”. She smiled and agreed. We both knew she had become her happy self again. She promised to keep in touch. I hummed the Pomp and Circumstance song for her as she walked out of my office. She giggled and danced and marched in the parking lot.

Today, I graduated a client, with honors.

Debbie Lane C.Ht.

“Unlock Your Natural Potential”

(727) 781-8483 office

www.wisdomhypnosis.com
http://wisdomhypnosis.blogspot.com

Girls don’t fall for the players

How many times can one girl make the same mistakes? We need to stop and ask ourselves are we constantly falling for a player. If you have ever thought “I can’t believe I fell for that” or “Wow, I really feel like he isn’t telling me something” or even “I thought I was the only one” chances are you may have been played! We as girls need to know how to spot a player. We all know that the world has a ton of them they can be classified: as mysterious, hot, steamy, and they normally have you in their trap before you even know it! I have personally fallen for a few players (give or take) and each time I vow that I’m not going to let that occur again. Then it happens another time…. I was once asked in an interview what my biggest weakness was and I laughed and said “men, especially the players,” I didn’t get the job.

I ‘m writing this today because, I don’t want your sandcastle to get blown over, like mine does; the heartbreak stays for a long time.  We spend our lives working on being who we are and we need to let the players know we are not having anymore tears and broken hearts over guys who don’t even deserve us.

As for me I’ve decided I’m not going to let this re-occurring trend keep me from my happiness of finding a great man. They say” nice guys finish last” that’s because us girls take a while to figure out that we keep getting played by the players and the nice guys don’t even have a chance.

Friends, we need to realize what we really want; someone that will care about us and treat us right and yes there are good looking men out there that are not players.  Use your girl power and intuition when it comes to looking for relationships, if it seems too good to be true or you have an unsettling feeling you may be dealing with a player. Be strong and move on! My experience your stomach or gut feeling is usually right…I hope I finally figured that out and that I listen to my intellect and not my emotions…  Let me know if you agree.

Amy

About Believer in Balance by Shannon Hutton.  

 I asked Shannon if I could repost on my site for you to read so please read and visit Shannon at www.sparkplugging.com/believer-in-balance/. , Thank you Shannon.

I used to think my kids were ignoring me and it drove me crazy! Hello! Are you in there? Then I realized they weren’t ignoring me, they just weren’t listening to me. Yes, there is a difference! And that realization actually made me feel better. This is why.

When my kids are watching T.V. or at the computer, they’re in another world. While they may hear what I’m saying, they’re definitely not listening to me. I know this because hearing and listening are not the same. That and five minutes after I’ve said something I get “Mom, what did you ask me to do?“

Hearing is passive. We do it all the time without even thinking about it. Right now, unfortunately, I hear the carpet cleaner’s truck at my neighbor’s house. But it’s just background noise to me, just like my voice is to my kids unless I remind them to practice their active listening skills. (One day I hope they will grant me this courtesy without having to be reminded, but hey parenting is a process!)

Active listening involve your whole body. To make this concept easier for kids to understand and remember, I narrow the whole body down to the following five parts: ears, eyes, mouth, body and brain. Specifically, to be active listeners we need to:

* Use our ears to hear the words being said.

* Use our eyes to see nonverbal cues and convey respect.

* Keep our mouth closed, so we do not interrupt.

* Keep our body still so we don’t walk away while someone is talking, tap our foot or otherwise distract the speaker.

* Use our brain to focus on what is being said, think about it, and let it sink in.

So if you too feel your kids ignore you sometimes, teach them the five parts of active listening. Then the next time your kids aren’t doing what you’ve asked (unfortunately, there’s always a “next time”) stop and ask them “Are you being active listeners?” It just might help.

I’m a certified school counselor who works with students on various issues including anger management, social skills, anxiety, divorce, self-esteem, study skills, impulsivity and bullying. If you have any parenting or school issues that you would like me to address, please leave me a comment. I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have in my weekly Ask the School Counselor segment.

4 Responses to “Guest Post About Believer in Balance by Shannon Hutton”

1. Shannon on April 22nd, 2008 at 8:13 pm

   Thanks for sharing my post on active listening with your readers! I’ll be writing posts each week on parenting and school issues if you’re interested in any more.

2. Debbie Lane on April 22nd, 2008 at 8:59 pm

   When young people or anyone for that matter are not actively listening to you, often they are so focused on something else (such as a video game) they are in a form of hypnosis!

3. grammolo on April 23rd, 2008 at 12:03 pm

   Shannon, welcome and yes I’ll keep reading and hope to have you back. I was most intrigued when I read the kids hear us and often don’t respond. It made a great deal of sense to me.

   I have my five year old grandson this weekend and we’ll be discussing the five active parts of listening…Seems like many adults could use the advice as well. Maybe even me..
   Thanks Dorothy

4. Dawn Mach on April 24th, 2008 at 4:42 pm

   Hi Shannon,
   Great advice! Its always good to be reminded to be a better listener as an adult too!
   Just want to share…some of my best conversations with my kids have been in the car. They have no choice but to listen then!

   Dawn

I have 2 boys ages 5 and 4. I thought I knew how we were going to raise them, that until 2 months ago when our daughter was born. I started thinking about the society we live in, and how it leans more toward the fostering of little girls and less to the nurturing of little boys. So it got me thinking, are our boys any less important than our little girls, and the answer is NO. I then started to ask my self a series of questions that will hopefully help me head in the right direction of raising up men that are strong, compassionate, nurturing, loving, and the best men that they can be as pillars of our community.

My questions are as follows and this is for society as a whole:

Are we raising our boys to love freely? Are we raising our boys to express themselves liberally, or are we stifling their ability to communicate effectively and resolve conflict in the appropriate way leading to a generation of boys/men that are letting their pent up emotions out in ways that are both dangerous and destructive? I don’t buy much into the old school belief that that real men don’t cry, I buy into the fact that everyone male or female should feel comfortable expressing their emotions. Are we checking in with our boys on a daily basis listening to and hearing everything they have to say? (No matter how unimportant it may seem to us, if it is something they want to talk about it is probably IMPORTANT to THEM)! Are we providing our boys with an outlet be it a close family friend or family member that our children feel safe and free to go to, to openly verbalize their feelings or concerns if they don’t’ feel comfortable fully expressing themselves to their parents? Some children often don’t feel comfortable enough to go to parents out of fear of being punished or that their parents won’t love them anymore. It is very important that our children know that our love as parents is UNCONDITIONAL!

The formative years in a Child’s life is between the ages of 0 threw 6 years, but it is NEVER too late to start promoting a loving mutually respectful relationship with your child. We as a society need to be able to place more value on who are child “IS” rather than what they can do i.e.: perfect school report cards or the star athlete.

Are we raising our boys up to have enough self respect to stand up for their beliefs and morals?

Our family is a work in progress and I am excited to see how well we grow together!

We as a society need to rethink what we are offering our children in regards to emotions and that they would not be afraid to expand on sharing their inner thoughts to us parents, so we can point them in the right direction.

Hoping you can give me some ideas as to your feelings as families in todays times.

Jen from grammology….

5 Responses to “Guest Post, My Children in todays World”

1. Jodi on April 4th, 2008 at 8:29 pm

   Jen, very good post!! I have a 4 year old son and his father is a strong believer of the “old” ways, which he got from his father. My sons father thinks that little boys dressing “preppy” will make him gay or if he plays with dolls and that, which i disagree to. If my son wants to play with a doll which his sister has many of them, then i let him. He even wanted to dress up in her play clothes which are for little girls, and i let him. I see nothing wrong with it. My son has also wanted his makeup done and nails done because my daughter was getting it done and all i did was pretend to do it, he didnt know that, but he still wanted to join in with the girl fun.
   My ex husband is one that thinks that tough men can not cry and not express himself or people will think that he is weak, about 4 years ago he was put on anti-depressant meds. He grew up thinking that he had to be a man and if not his dad was going to be disappointed in him. My ex has alot of issues with his father because of the childhood that he had.
   I knew when i was growing up i would not go to my parents because i was afraid that they would be upset with me or not love me, which was wrong of me to think, but when you want your parents to think your the “perfect” child and dont do anything wrong, then you keep it to yourself. I make sure that my kids know that i love them no matter what and plan on being an open parent with them. I want them to come to me with a question or concern or wondering which direction they should turn, weither or not they take my advice, i will still know what is going on in there life because of them comming to me. I will love my children no matter how they may turn out!! As a parent you have unconditional love for your child, no matter what they do. You can not just turn off that love you have for them.

2. Jen on April 6th, 2008 at 2:51 am

   Jodi,
   Thank you so much for your comment. I agree with you 100%. I definately don’t think that there is anything wrong with letting your son play dress up or play with dolls, it makes for someone who will know how to nuture.

   Jen for Grammology

3. Linda on April 8th, 2008 at 6:27 pm

   Dear Jen,

   Your post was very thought provoking. I found myself “recalling” my past attempt(s) at parenting two boys and one girl. I would like to think that we encouraged them all to be respectful and sensitive to others, while still being true to themselves. Their father was and continues to be an excellent role model of selflessness. I think that my greater challenge was being “consistent” as far as with expectations and discipline as I descended through the pecking order. I know my oldest feels he had the most restrictions…probably he did. Afterall, we “learned” all our “firsts” with him. I would like to think that the compromises that his brother and sister enjoyed (which he still so generously points out to this day) came from our valuable discoveries that we made with him. I have learned that each child, as well as each grandchild, benefits from nuturing and patience. Male or female – who doesn’t like to hear the words, “I Love You”? It’s up to us all to teach each other – no matter what age – how to speak those words and how to accept the sentiment. I have a feeling that your children will be able to express their thoughts and their emotions as they grow because of your guidance.

   Linda

4. grammolo on April 9th, 2008 at 10:16 am

   Jen, your biggest attribute is your mind. You are aware things are different today and may need a creative kind of parenting. Stay alert and open minded as you appear to be and you and Henry will give your children what they need to be normal great children. We look forward to hearing more about your family next time lets include photos….

   New page up next week…layout looked wonderful…

   Hugs Aunt Dorothy

5. Jen on April 13th, 2008 at 8:13 pm

   Dear Linda & Aunt Dorothy,
   Thank you for your comments! I truly believe that we will be able to guide our children in the right direction and with the help of great family around them I am sure we will be successful.

Edible flowers are growing in popularity.  Nasturtium, with its peppery blossoms, borage, violets and carnations are popping up in supermarkets as well as nurseries everywhere.  But you don’t need to spend a lot of money or plant a large garden to enjoy these blooms.  A bountiful supply may be growing right in your own back yard.   

Safely Enjoy Edible Flowers by following these important rules: 

1.            Pick only flowers that you know are pesticide and chemical free.  Unless it is your lawn and you know it is safe, steer clear.  Or ask.  Most people won’t mind at all if you dig up dandelions from their lawns -they may even wonder “what’s the catch?” 2.            After cutting, shake the flower to dislodge any insects and submerge in cool water to wash. Drain and allow to air dry on paper towels.3.            Be a good steward of the earth and never pick all the flowers off a plant. The plant needs its flowers for pollination and producing seeds for your next supply. 4.            If you have allergies, asthma or hay fever or any medical condition, you should consult with your doctor before ingesting any herbs or flowers.5.            Know what you are picking. Many wildflowers are poisonous. If in doubt, leave it alone. 

Chicory