Grammology.com » Parenting

The Jay-Z Phenomenon, more of what our kids are watching

dorothy — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:29:58 +0000

Let’s continue on the subject of what our kids and grandkids are into these days.

Let’s talk Jay-Z (real name Shawn Corey Carter).

He’s a rapper and rap music deserves our attention, it certainly has our kids’ attention!

He’s married to Beyonce.
He’s considered the godfather of rap.
He has gone from humble beginnings in Brooklyn, New York in one of the most notoriously dangerous neighborhoods, to becoming one of the most successful corporations in the music business with publishing, clothing (Rocawear), recording to name a few.

He is certainly one of the brightest and most talented in the music industry at age 41. When I watched him on Oprah (he seldom does interviews), I was struck by his humility, grateful attitude toward success and sense of humor as he helped Oprah rap.

Jay Z has ignited more young acts than we can count here including Rihanna and has much to do with steering Beyonce’s career and musical choices.

What I love most about Jay Z is his unabashed love of his country with the city of New York being one of his favorites subjects…he even sang his song “Empire State of Mind” at the big Yankees ticker tape parade this year. This is one of my favorite Jay Z videos, a duet with Alicia Keys. It is an ode to his beloved Yankees and his city…a nod to the World Trade Centers, a caution to young women who can get snared in the city’s dangers and more.

His performance on the Hope for Haiti telethon was one of the best—”Haiti Mon Amour” was done with Bono from U2 and Rihanna.

Parents and grandparents, don’t be afraid to watch them over and over, the words come fast and furious but have meaning not to be dismissed…you know our kids can sing every word, so they’re worth our understanding too!

Tiger Woods and his family

David — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:45:31 +0000

Sometimes you wonder if being rich and famous is worth what happens to your family when you get caught doing something wrong, it doesn’t matter what the issues, they are aired liked dirty laundry, the media frenzy is fast and furious, and we all want to know more even me, lately I find myself watching the national news to see what’s the latest with Tiger and when I think about it, I’m ashamed that I’ve succumb to being a busy body as well however I’m only human right.

Thus I asked myself what’s the attraction is it because he was idolized and his personality came thru as though he was the perfect human being, husband, father, friend and golfer and then his fall from grace, when we know in reality no one is faultless thus, when the news began and the stories about Tiger surfaced, it instantly became everybody’s problem and we all want to know how this ends.

So I’m wondering can we give the family time to heal and determine what they need to survive and if it means a temporary separation from his wife, getting counseling professional help to weather this storm and surface a stronger family teaching us something as well, because I’ve begun to think about forgiveness and the importance of communication in all relationships whether it’s family, friends, work associates, husbands and wives, we should want to know what our partners and friends require in their lives and when we get busy and stressed we tend to carry most of those mind-sets inside and it’s not healthy so the lesson, share your deepest hurt and pain with those you love, granted you have to qualify carefully who you’d tell however, the inevitability outweighs the risk and maybe we’ll all reflect about what we’ve not been 100% up front with and learn how we can grow and maintain our bonds with family and friends and become healthier and if we are honest with ourselves, Tiger and his family can lend a hand to change our lives for the better and that can be part of their journey to healing as well.

Seeing your children fulfill Commitments

Kelly — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 04:00:00 +0000

Obligations and Commitments

I just spoke to my granddaughter Kala. She was heading out to church this morning. She is in charge of setting up the coffee hour after service. She made this commitment on her own. We were surprised when she offered to do this. I am proud of Kala, as I never would have guessed she would do something like this. She is only 20 and to keep the commitment of hosting the coffee hour on Sunday morning speaks highly of her feelings for God and her church.

One of my pet peeves is teaching your children that when they agree to to do something they have to follow through. Kala made a promise and is doing what she said. This doesn’t mean she has to be the coffee hour person for life. However, fulfill the obligation for a reasonable period of time or until her life takes her somewhere else. Then give the appropriate notice of the change and move on. While your children are growing up it is the parents job to show them right from wrong and what life will expect as they become adults. Many families teach their children giving of themselves to church, charity or public service is an important part of their lives. This is an example of our next generation showing us they got the message. With all the bad press for our kids it’s important to speak about some of the good things they do as well. When our new page is finally finished, you as readers will be able to share your experiences with your family. I can’t wait; we should be finished soon. Its taken months to get this ready and we hope you like the new look when we finally are finished. And you can share the good news as well.

Thank you to Kala for taking the time to do something for your church. Giving the congregation something to look forward to (a cup of coffee and camaraderie), after a good sermon. They’ll miss you Kala when you leave for California later this month to be with your Marine brother for a few weeks.

While you and your sister are visiting I’m sure like the coffee hours there will be much to learn in California. The three of you will spend a month (staying out of trouble, following the rules, no drinking……etc…) and come home knowing you were able to see Gary who has not been able to get back here for awhile. (Don’t I sound like Confucius today)? How many of us remember Confucius Said, and did I spell his name right? I couldn’t find a meaning in the research books so if you remember him, the wise man statue with the big belly and the good advice he signified, let me know. He would suggest meaning to our lives, if only we would take the time to listen. Finding the path we were to follow. Oh brother I’m off on a tangent today. There I go again using words exclusive to my older age. Forgive me if I’m boring you. Its one of those posts which is close to what I use to write in my journals. I hope you’ll indulge me and allow me this time. You’ve become my friends and here I am babbling like a brook and feeling cleansed of my thoughts today.

Back to my creative post…and hoping you remember my original reason for writing today. Thanking Kala for her coffee hours and the mention of Kala and Mary going to California to see their brother this month. I have Chemo tomorrow, Ill be back. Dorothy

8 Responses to “Seeing your children fulfill Commitments”

Sherry on April 7th, 2008 at 4:00 am

Hi mom, Im very proud of Kala too. Her efferts to have made a real difference and church attendence is up on the sundays she hosts the coffee hour.
Janice on April 7th, 2008 at 5:03 pm

Hi Dorothy, I don’t know what possessed me to look up your blog but I am so thankful I did. I have been so wrapped up in my own health issues that I never bothered to check on yours. I assumed your results were negative as you have been dealt enough in your life. You know I feel for what you are going through and I know you will get to the other side. I believe our journey’s are meant to help others get through theirs. I am sure as I sit and read your blogs, many are gaining strength from your words. I know I am. Our prayers are with you and by the the way, you look good with no hair:)
grammolo on April 7th, 2008 at 7:28 pm

Janice, while looking for a phone number today, I passed by yours how weird. Lets try to get together soon, if you are able. I don’t remember what your issues were. Thanks for the kind words..my prayers for you.

Dorothy
Robin on April 7th, 2008 at 11:33 pm

Service is SO important…it’s about appreciating what we have, and recoginizing what other do not….I think it comes from our parents and also from ourselves…putting ourselves in places where people have “less” than ourselves can be a life-changing experience…Good luck Kala! love you Dorth, good luck with the chemo!
Robin
grammolo on April 8th, 2008 at 9:50 am

Robin, you have certainly walked the walk with your two years in Ecuador and Catholic Services. You should write us a post as to how your three years between Ecuador and Trinidad affected you feelings about education in other parts of the world. I believe it’s a great part of your kind soul and I’m sure our readers would love to see some of the photos and your recollection of the times. I did great with chemo, accept the steroids make me anxious. Remember we’re getting together next week..hugs Dorothy
Joh on April 8th, 2008 at 9:53 am

You must be really proud Dorothy, in your own words “speaks highly of you” too! Hope you are well right now.
grammolo on April 9th, 2008 at 10:07 am

Hi Joh, I’m doing much better. Feeling closer to normal. Prayers from all over the world from my readers have been a serious part of my healing. My family and friends have stood by my side, and me I had no choice but to get better. Thanks for your comments. Love hearing from you.. Hope your doing well.

New layout finally done should see it next week. Let me know what you think..

Dorothy
grammolo on April 9th, 2008 at 10:12 am

Sherry, my cup runneth over…and today I pray to God for Gary when he has his surgery.

Mom…

Educating our Children, our most precious natural resourse..

Kelly — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 04:00:00 +0000

Our children not receiving a diploma for high school

I found the news regarding Detroit being one of the Cities to have fewer then 50% of their students not graduate from high school painful. It’s easy to blame the school, the parents, or their environment. All of these things have some influence as to whether students will graduate or not. However, in my experience, I’ve noticed more of the children; including our family see their kids having a difficult time absorbing the work at a young age in school. And in our family’s experience it started in the lower grades and by the time they got to high school their chances of graduating was going to be difficult. In every case my daughter worked diligently with the system to help her kids get through high school and receive a diploma. It was not easy as the schools do not want to give extra help because it impacts their budgets. We know money for the schools have been dramatically cut. Forcing the schools to try to decrease expenses and preserve for the essentials of their faculty and students. So no one was intentionally trying not to help the student, it’s not easy in our current financial climate. Everyone was struggling to survive. What does that mean to our children when the numbers of graduating children are in front of us proving what we worried about, to be true?

What I’ve noticed about the press is they sensationalize, tell the story and then it seems to disappear. My daughter and many other parents who are able stay with the problem and work through the system while many parents are working full time and are barely able to make ends meet. Therefore the high school diploma problem is sometimes passed over when parents are struggling to keep their homes, put meals on the table and their cars filled with gas. How can they be in both places at the same time? So who looses. Many times it’s our children. What can we do to help the often frustrated parent with their children?

I’m disturbed as I see presidential candidates’ speak of the three am phone call, when many parents and friends are wondering how they will get through next month financially. Add to the current issues our children not receiving a high school diploma and you wonder how will they earn a living when they go out into the real world to start their lives as adults? What will their future be and are they prepared?

Even more provoking, as I listen to all three candidates, it appears we are plagued with how to get through Iraq and our being in that country while its costing us billions of our dollars which could be spent on our youth. You and I paying a bill we resent for a place we know little about while our children continue to be let down with our academic system. How can we help them prepare for their future, when it seems they are not able to get past high school?

My husband casually made a statement to me the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks. He said for the last five years it seems like the focus of the news and our government is only Iraq. When will they focus on the other issues which affect us, such as health care, gas, our housing problem? Once again we hear bits and pieces and then they move back to Iraq. Please understand my grandson is a marine, who is considering reenlisting when his time comes up. It’s not that I don’t respect and love our military I do. However, preparing our children in school, all grades are my first priority. How do we fight to make our family have every means available for their education? Our budgets, as a result of Iraq, our military are so stressed we are unable to consider, putting money anywhere else today. As an uneducated mother and grandmother, I see the issues and just don’t know what to say or do.

This I know, we must figure out how in a global nation we are able to preserve and create more oil and gasoline to survive however, our most valuable and precious resource is our children. Something we should seriously reconsider placing the focus on. It starts with our schools and their teachers beginning in kindergarten. Not waiting until they are further along. Creating a new system where parents and schools work together to spot the learning issues and getting each student placed where they can achieve their best. Our children become the future generation of the survival of our country. What will it take to get all of us to work harder for our children? How many more lost children will there be before it’s too late?

I don’t even want to vote, and I suspect more secretly feel like I do, as we find ourselves thinking it’s hopeless. These candidates promise you the world and when they get into office forget their promises and its business as usual. Our middle class is disappearing, and the rich seem to be stronger each year. More and more millionaires and billionaires who seem to carry the most clout with media. Our kids, struggle, parents wonder if they’ll meet the next mortgage and our candidates continue to babble. I also wonder are they being paid their salaries while they campaign. Are you and I giving them their usual salary while they run around the country trying to be elected president? We give them money to get elected while we pay them for a job they cannot do as they travel the country. Meanwhile our children are struggling to get an education. Isn’t something wrong here?

Any suggestions as to how to get the priorities of our nation changed. Aren’t you concerned about your children’s future? As bloggers and readers, is there something we can do together? I’m old, sick and tired; however, if you have any ideas, I’d jump on board to the best of my ability. My family is the most important part of my life. I just don’t know what to do next? Do you?

My best, Dorothy

12 Responses to “Educating our Children, our most precious natural resourse..”

Robin on April 2nd, 2008 at 11:25 pm

Wow! Some very great points…and I agree with you…what about all of us (or most of us) who are struggling financially just trying to buy groceries, pay the mortgage, and fill the gas tank???
As far as the schools go, I think half of it is the parents…it all starts at home. Those whose parents value education (NOT necessarily educated themselves) most times do okay. Too quickly we look to everything else but ourselves as to why we’re not doing good. We’re so quick to attribut ADHD, the teachers not reaching the student, not enough resources, and yet how did we all get through school without technology and such? I see things getting a bit worse before they get better….it takes hard work to be a good student and a good worker.
Wow, I could go on but I won’t…I see so much LAZINESS from students everyday!!! On a positive note, there are many GOOD things happening in our schools and homes…we need to focus on that (and find some new presidential candidates!!!!) ha ha ha!
Love you Dorth….
Jodi on April 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 am

Today on my drive into work i heard that 3rd graders about ten of them in Georgia were going to injure there teacher because she scolded a student for standing on a chair. They found that the kids had a broken steak knife, handcuffs, ect. Three of the students have been arrested, but to think that ten 3rd graders were going to do this is very upsetting. It makes you wonder where were there parents? Why did they want to do this? Why the violence? Why to a teacher that is trying to help them learn?
Alot of kids today dont care about school, they want to watch TV and play there video games or go on the computer.
I can say that it is very hard working 40 hours a week and also trying to do things at the school. You miss out on so much trying to provide for your family and if you do take to much time off (and you dont have an understanding boss) they you could lose your job and then what would they do for money?
Nothing is cheap these days, you have all the bills, gas, clothing, ect. It adds up quick.
The thing about Iraq, i am greatful for the military, but when is enough, enough?
My children are in Kindergarden and Head Start, my son gets speech therapy 2 times a week and i am hoping that he will be able to catch up to the other children his age and be able to acheive anything he puts his mind to.
When i graduated in 2001, and my father told me i wasnt going to, I was the child that went to summer school 3 times and didnt want to do anything, but when my dad said to me.. Your not going to do it, i made sure that i did. I wanted him to be proud and wanted to show him i was able to do it. He knew in his mind that i would (or so i hope..lol) but when he said that something in my head went off and i made sure i graduated the year i was suppose to. During my school years my dad was in and out of school for me, fighting his way to make sure that i had a chance at things, i am very greatful for that.
I think that for students to get there High School dipolima is an achevement.. It takes time, effort, help from the school and the parents and williness from everyone that wants to help.
grammolo on April 3rd, 2008 at 10:38 am

Robin, it does take a team approach with our kids today. Parents and the school to help them understand the importance of their education. I hope as things go, we are able to re stress the need for more communication between the student, teacher, and parent. All three need to work together for the better of the child. It has to start at a very early age. With our latest incident in the news today..the third graders and their revenge tactics obviously we need to start younger then I previously believed.
Thanks for your comment Love you….Dorth…
grammolo on April 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 am

Jodi, I think it helps to hear how you reacted to what your parents believed. Perhaps as we find out how it affected you we can adjust our comments to our children. Giving them a different approach to why we want them to learn as much as they can in school today. Listen to our hearts and recognize time is flying by and our children need help today. More then before as there is so much going on we never had to deal with while we grew up. Thanks so much for giving us your point of view. I hope it helps other young parents. And in the end you are grateful for your family who always stands behind you…no matter what. Its great to hear.

hugs..Dorothy
Tammy on April 3rd, 2008 at 5:02 pm

I think that it’s the parents responsibility to enstore the values of an education on their children. If the parent doesn’t pay attention to their child’s school work, help and encourage them with it why should they think it’s important. It’s just my opinion though.
Debbie Lane on April 3rd, 2008 at 7:26 pm

As a parent, when my children were young, I lived by the credo, “Make every moment a teachable moment.” This meant that I had to be responsible for my actions all of the time. Even when I screwed up, it was up to me to be honest about that and make amends. When they began school, that was their job, their responsibility, just as we adults had jobs.

To demonstrate how important their education was, I volunteered many hours at the school. I arranged my schedule so that I could. I observed excellent teachers, doing the best they could, with the skills and tools available. I had friends who had very different experiences with the same teachers. I can’t answer why to that.

I was blessed with great kids who loved to learn, so it made my experiences better than many.
Daisy on April 4th, 2008 at 2:40 am

Please, please vote! Your vote is one of the strongest weapons you hold.

Children learning to Save and Balance Check Books

Kelly — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 04:00:00 +0000

Good Morning America had a segment today regarding our children and balancing a checkbook. This has been a pet peeve of mine for years. My daughter and I have indulged my grandchildren and we worry have not placed enough importance on Savings or where the money came from. More importantly that the money does not replenish there are limits and sacrifices parents are often making for their children without their knowledge.

I’ve shared with Sherry that I felt it was important for the kids to know when you give to your children there are often things you are giving up for them. Over the years I’ve concluded it is better to let them know what you’ve sacrificed for their comfort and needs when necessary.

My mom, bless her soul. Made us aware of everything she gave and where it came from. There was an understanding of how hard things were at the time. She often partnered with her sister they pooled food, and even the money to make ends meet. We spent most of our lives sharing meals with my Aunt and Uncle who lived in the upstairs apartment from our mom and dad. We didn’t always get along with Aunt Stella because she was another authority figure. Our mom was a task master and made values clear, and our Aunt backed her up so together they conquered anything life would offer them. Aunt Stella couldn’t read or write, however she was the navigator whenever mom and Stella needed to travel anywhere. And in the supermarket or store she must have memorized labels because for years we never knew she couldn’t read and she purchased every product without any problem. Another indication of how people survive no matter what. Our lives had everything, we just knew there were limits and it was never resented. We made it as a strong family bonding together because that was what was required to survive in the 50 and 60’s in our family.

So Sherry and I indulged our children and grandchildren always with the subconscious memory of what we did or didn’t have or what we missed and didn’t want our children to miss as well. However, I remember when I asked our mom for a quarter she would say; now if I put another quarter with yours I’d have enough money to buy milk and a loaf of bread for our dinner today. We knew that meant we weren’t getting the quarter. We also knew it wasn’t because she didn’t want to give it. She needed the money for our family survival. On the other hand, Sherry and I would give the money and then we’d worry about how to make the ends meet later. So now that I’m older and wiser, I know my mom’s way was the right way. Holding back to shield the children isn’t always the right choice. Sharing with them what’s going on in the family and how hard things are helps them understand life is not always simple and filled with good days. It’s often a hard life, one you work through for the better days. As with my mom she learned to manage a tight budget by sharing with her sister combining resources to make things go farther. We knew the importance of the dollar and we were encouraged at a young age to work. When we earned any money some always went back to our mother. It was unspoken everyone tried to do their part to help. Even when babysitting we shared the money with mom. And when I got my first real job at the Rivera Theatre as a counter girl my check was cashed by mom and she gave me the portion which was mine. There was never a second thought that she shouldn’t. We were all willing to work as a family and help.

I don’t remember ever saving. However, I do remember understanding the value of the dollar, and that money didn’t grow on trees. You went out and earned it and thought carefully about how you’d spend it.

The questions which come to mind for me regarding our kids today are simple:

Have we taught them the value of the dollar?

Do they understand that sometimes thing are tight and they often can’t have what they want rather we get by with what we need?

Do they respect what you give them in recreational toys and things? Or when you give them expensive gifts such as cameras, IPODS, or computers are they taken care of or misused? Lost or broken because of carelessness.

Do they understand sometimes as parents you have given something up to make sure they had new sneakers or that wonderful toy they’d been asking for?

Do you give your children or teens conditions? I often give with conditions such as responsibility and not abusing what they are given by me. It makes me crazy when I go to my grandchildren’s home and they have carelessly left bikes, toys, expensive shoe etc laying on the outside porch or lawn instead of taking the time to put things where they belong. And if I see it they are reprimanded. They know my drill….

If your children are not taught responsibility and commitment to their belongings they will never be able to understand value. They won’t recognize that life cost money. And they certainly won’t understand balancing their checkbooks or taking responsibility for spending. It was mentioned that children at a certain age today on Good Morning America, should be given a credit card to fully understand its value and limits. At a certain time I would be in agreement, although I think we start with the basics. Understanding what they have and don’t have at home. Respecting and taking care of their possessions they currently are blessed with. And recognizing whatever the family can provide is a gift….

So if we’re going to take the next step and teach savings and balancing money; lets begin to educate them how to take care of what they have. This information is not already in their brains…it has to be taught. You are the parents and hopefully care enough to give them the help so they can balance check books and consider saving. Recognizing their futures may depend on it. We as parents have to believe this before we can teach it.

My best, Dorothy

5 Responses to “Children learning to Save and Balance Check Books”

Grammology – The Self-Help Blog – MyBlogLog on March 27th, 2008 at 2:28 am

[...] to Google Latest Content Children leaning to Save and Balance Check Books – 8 hours ago Good Morning America had a segment today regarding our children and balancing a [...]
mee mOe on April 4th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Yeah…very important, great topic !!! they probably won’t receive any social security by the time they retire, my girls are 17,20,25…and social security will have run broke by then…at least that what they say…have a great weekend !!!
grammolo on April 5th, 2008 at 4:20 pm

mee mOe thanks for the comment, your right about the fund being gone if we don’t do something now…hope you stop by again….Dorothy
money supermarket uk on April 12th, 2008 at 9:51 pm

I agree it is important for children to learn the value of money to prepare them for adulthood!
Facing the Empty Nest of My Blog and My Brand | Sparkplug CEO on April 20th, 2008 at 8:01 pm

[...] Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Children leaning to Save and Balance Check Books 15. On March 31st, 2008 at 1:06 pm, Winescorecard [...]

Divorce hurts my daughter 36 years later.

Kelly — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 04:00:00 +0000

Wonder what goes on in the mind of my daughters father Gary. We divorced in 1970 and he still manages to hurt my daughter to the bone.

She’s 41 had seven children and her first grandchild. She’s happily married. Her children have brought all the normal issues to the family and they’ve weathered every storm and continue to stay together. However, Sherry still needs to call her natural dad and say hello, hoping there will be some paternal feeling given to make her feel like she’s daddy’s daughter. Of course there’s no such animal and I’m convinced the man is heartless and only cares about what concerns him. I believe they refer to men like this as narcissists.

So she called crying. Saddened that she needed to call him and once again be rejected. Wondering wasn’t she a good daughter? Did she personally do something to make him not seem to love her? Had she been a bad child? I tried to explain she’d never been anything but a lovely and perfect daughter. She was never in trouble, and always remained respectful and loving to all of our family.

And yet, she couldn’t say the words easily. Doesn’t he love me mom? Wondering was she responsible for what happened to us. Bringing up old wounds that never heal and causing her to sob.

Sherry, who is loved by her step dad who I divorced several years ago, has a great relationship with him. He’s always stayed in her life; giving her advice and anything she needs. He loves her and she loves him, however she also needs something from

Gary. Why the hell is this still happening? I’m so dam angry…What is the psychotical hold I cannot help her let go of? Is this one of the things we have all our lives, one of the remnants of divorce? All of us who couldn’t make a marriage work sharing the blame for the millions of children who will endure this nightmare over and over?

When she was on the phone, I wanted to hang up and call the SOB and tell him what he’s done all these years. How he continues to demonstrate he has little knowledge of being a father. His life is filled with what he wants and his life in

Florida. We live in

Western New York and all he’d have to do is call her once in awhile and say I love you Sherry. That would be enough. She’d be no trouble. She just needs to know he loves her.

Saddened as I conclude this, because there is no happy ending and as Jerry and I attempt to make life alright for Sherry; we can only go so far. We know there’s no help from him, so we wonder what we can do. Nothing….Nothing but hurt for the daughter we love and realize she needs something more. And will probably never receive it.

I remain, Divorce hurts forever…and sometimes there are no happy endings.

7 Responses to “Divorce hurts my daughter 36 years later.”

Tammy on March 8th, 2008 at 8:40 pm

I am very sorry for your daughter. I find it so sad that a person can do that to their own flesh and blood. I’m glad your daughter has you and her step-father in her life. )
grammolo on March 10th, 2008 at 7:03 pm

Tammy my daughter is coping well. She seems to trying to accept all parents aren’t the same. Thanks for your support and I hope your enjoying our site.

Dorothy
Mauigirl on March 11th, 2008 at 6:28 am

It sounds as if it isn’t the divorce that is the problem, but the man who is her father. I think your diagnosis of him as a narcissist is probably apt. I hope your daughter can somehow get past this – she has so much else to be happy about!
MommasWorld on March 11th, 2008 at 6:39 pm

I hope this comes out right. Your daughter must truly be an amazing woman. I have seen many children of divorce, all gown up now and absolutly hateful. Some are hateful towards the partent who raised them other are hateful towards the parent who was not with them the majority of the time. Then there are some who are down right hateful to everyone due to something they might have missed out on during their childhood due to the divorce.

Then there are the wonderful people just like your daughter who come out sweet as cotton candy.

It is awful the way her father treats her but that is purely HIS problem not her’s. She tried to reach out and she keeps getting burned. She is a wonderful person but him…she should just let him go. Maybe pray for him once in awhile but stop subjecting herself to his verbal slaps in the face.
Jen M on March 11th, 2008 at 9:39 pm

Narcissist is exactly right. Divorce can hurt when the parent just falls off the face of the earth like that. Has she considered counseling, to put the issue to rest? I say this because I have lived through this myself – biological father that popped back into my life in college after being completely absent my entire life, these things can still haunt us even if the rest of our life is good.
sherry on March 11th, 2008 at 10:38 pm

Hello mom, I love shareing with others if it can help but please let these people know I am a completely normal and well adjusted human being that has moved on and just has moments of saddness that I talk to you about on occasion. love Sherry
grammolo on March 13th, 2008 at 11:31 am

Ladies, as Sherry mentioned talking about the deep feelings these experiences give Sherry has been her success. Holding those feelings in promotes more hurt and pain. Sherry has amazed me through the years always sharing her feelings and being willing to work through them. I think its part of our family tradition which keeps us all on our toes. Everyone knows if there is a family issue we want to talk about them. Nothing much passes by us….

Sherry is a wonderful well adjusted daughter, loving mother and friend, who has succeeded in spite of the lack of interaction with her natural dad. Her life has benefited from her experience…and helped in with family decisions.

I love you Sherry…mom

Kala’s first Sales Call

Kelly — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 04:00:00 +0000

Kala just finished her first sales call for her dad’s bread company today. She called before she went into her first restaurant. She was nervous and insecure about how she would do alone. This is so wonderful that Kala was willing to share her most intimate feelings about her first day alone on the job. It’s easy as we know to go along with the professionals and hear their pitch. It’s another thing to do the job alone.

I suggested (felt so good she wanted my advice) that she make the call as a social point. Tell the consumer she is Kala S which identified she is related to the company. This can help where the buyer feels they are sending someone important to check their product or pitch if it’s a new customer. Kala grew up in the company her dad had her working the warehouse when she was very young. She can remember running the line, folding boxes and sometimes cleaning the floors. Without realizing it Kala was building a solid base of information about her company.

So as we talked I tried to establish Kala already had credentials she never considered. Now learning how to bring together the purchaser with her product was what she had to do. For me conveying the sales secret of the world…something all salespeople share was more difficult then I realized. As a salesman my self I know what you have to do however, teaching a new sales person what you instinctively have come to understand is not as easy as it seems. How could I help Kala be comfortable with sales so it became routine and something she could enjoy no matter what the product she would sell in the future.

Some of my thoughts before I begin a sales call.

Know your product

Be prepared to explain the history of your company, if you have promotional brochures leave them with the customer when you’re done as well as your business card.

Follow up with a thank you note to the customer. Keep records of the calls and the cards you send.

When you make appointments, be on time or early. If the customer makes you wait, always tell them, you’re happy to be there on their schedule not yours.

Be prepared to create a customer relationship. Telling them a few things as to how you fit in the company. How much you enjoy what you’re doing and that you believe in the product.

Consistency in your sales pitch will establish comfort in your mind. Keep notes in the files of your clients noting things to remember and subjects which can be a problem.

Never accept an alcoholic beverage or smoke on a call. If asked tell them it is company policy and you will loose your job, which you love. So you can’t. Never make an exception. Begin the standard of truth and loyalty to your company.

If there is a complaint, bring out your pad and ask for details and explain you would like to take this back to corporate to discuss and remedy. Let them know customer service is your middle name.

It doesn’t matter what you sell, or where you live. Human nature is the same. Everyone wants the best for their money and a clear path of communication with the company they do business with. If you get to be known as he gal who when she doesn’t have an answer to a question, will come back with it. You will be successful. In order to be unbeaten in sales, it takes time, patience, and tenacity. I think Kala has them all, and will succeed no matter where she sells.

Going out a few times, keeping good records for each client and reviewing her sales call experiences with other associates will help Kala establish comfort. Therefore she will have less nervousness as she moves on.

What she hasn’t figured out is. She already hit one big hurdle. She made her first call and by the way, sounded to me like she did well. Now she has to do a few more. Think about what felt good or bad about and work on improving where necessary. There are courses she can take and I suggest she do a few. Sales people need to build confidence in what they know. Sharing and hearing from other sales people is a great source for building confidence. I hope the company considers the future training for Kala, as I see something special in her. She has a no nonsense approach to be triumphant. Wants to know what’s going on in the world and would be a candidate for the ultimate sales person. Good luck Kala and I’d take you on my team…any day…hugs gram

4 Responses to “Kala’s first Sales Call”

Anne Marie on February 29th, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Dorothy, I love the advice you gave Kala. I really don’t think she needs to go to school, you are the best teacher she could have. I know because over the years you taught me allot. I believe because of you and my strong will I became very successful. You also helped me with every aspect of my life which I am very grateful you came into my life at such a early age. Love you!
Anne Marie
Tammy on March 1st, 2008 at 1:51 am

That’s wonderful!
mee mOe on March 1st, 2008 at 6:05 pm

Thanks for sharing your feelings, its great to write them out..I subscribe to your blog, and thanks for approving my encard to be on your page…;)
grammolo on March 1st, 2008 at 11:17 pm

Thanks for the comments, Kala’s been pretty nervous about her new job. I give her credit she’s out there doing it. Thanks for all the support…

Hugs me…

Grandmas talk about grandchildrens careers and their future

Kelly — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:00:00 +0000

My grand daughter Mary and I talked about her future today, she is at a crossroads. She doesn’t know if she should go to school or get a job. During high school she took cosmetology. At first Mary was pleased with it but eventually she didn’t feel a passion for what she was doing, and she knew it was time to move on. She is now forced to reconsider her options and evaluate her life. We talked more about cosmetology and she knows it’s always there to fall back on if needed.

I asked Mary what felt better, the thought of going to school or getting a job and beginning a career. Whichever she chooses she has to look into her heart and try to feel what will motivate her to get up in the morning and follow the same routine every single day. I speak to so many people today who despise their jobs. It’s a jail that they go to every day of their lives suggesting your job or career decisions will impact your happiness and your future. So as we continued probing I asked her not to move quickly, think about what you want, be honest and true to you and even if it takes a few times don’t give up, and don’t be discouraged. Mary is young and will never know what career will be fulfilling unless she tries. As Mary and I continued to talk, I assured her that she had the support of our family to run thoughts by and our experience to ask questions and get opinions from. It’s important to get it right and because we are a diverse family there are opportunities she can draw from. She has a lot of choices she can choose from. We’re here as a family to help her find her true path and assist her as she makes choices.

What Mary is going through is not unique to most of us. We choose a profession so that we are able to earn a living, which allows us to acquire and experience all the things life has to offer. Rarely do people think about planning an occupation. Sometimes they get their jobs by accident and their working where there is no passion at all. So take time to see what motivates and inspires your child and see how it relates to something they can do. Whether it’s writing, where you might consider journalism; drama, where you might think about becoming an actor; or you may enjoy numbers and you may want to become an accountant. It doesn’t matter because you can do whatever you want, its’ your life. What’s sad is when you don’t take the time to see what really motivates you and your career is less then satisfying. I know there’s help for students while going to school. Counselors can help them learn what’s out there in the fields they show interest or excel in during school. Meet with the counselors yourself and ask them what you can do to help your children.

Observe your child’s hobbies. They may like looking at the stars. They may be fascinated by the weather or even playing the computer games today, can signify a talent relating to computers. If you see something interesting in your children’s life investigate the feelings they are having and encourage them to learn everything they can about the subject. Suggest this could turn out to be a college major or even something they want to do for a living. If the reaction is positive give they support. Don’t force them or assume this is the job they’ll do forever. Let them know it’s an adventure your there for. Discuss, wander, investigate and see. Otherwise onward and to the next passage, stressing you want to be there to guide and advice them.

They make the choices you bring the opportunities. This is what our family is doing with Mary and it’s been fun. Yes, we’re concerned we get her started in the right direction. So we’re focusing on teaching good habits, honor, being on time, keeping commitments she makes. Recognizing this won’t be easy and many days it isn’t fun. Stressing she are not doing this alone we’re in this together.

Its working Mary is thinking and trying to be cooperative with our suggestions. For us it’s important to remember it’s not our careers…rather hers and so our influence should be support not trying to talk Mary into something we think is best… That’s a difficult when you have a family as opinionated as ours. So as I wish you luck with your children and their futures, I hope we do what’s right for our Mary, giving her choices and direction to a successful career. We’ll keep you posted…its looking good…

3 Responses to “Grandmas talk about grandchildrens careers and their future”

jobs on February 5th, 2008 at 1:27 pm

I know many people who went through many years of school and are working nnormal paying jobs that they dont really enjoy. I also know a few folks that did not graduate from even high school that are making incrdible livings on Wall Street or at high tech companies. I say, simply follow your heart.
Kellyanne Davis on February 6th, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Great advice Dorthothy! Let her take her time and find her nitch.
What I tell my nieces and nephew is a line out of a song. “No matter what road you choose, I’m right behind you win or lose.

Kellyanne Davis
grammolo on February 6th, 2008 at 8:49 pm

These are two great responses. I’m so glad it seems like we’re on the right track and we will do this together…hope you will too..wherever you can help…kids finding their way.

My best….Dorothy