I remember the days when men married the women who became pregnant after they slept together…  Although it isn’t that way today alright I’ll give you that was many years ago. None the less, they where the values our parents had? And the standards I’d wish children upheld today.

When a guy got a girl pregnant she had a good chance there would be a wedding and the couple would work towards creating a healthy family and kids who knew they were loved.   And usually there was never any discussion regarding why they got married; it was the right thing to do.

I’m not being judgmental, this is an observation.  After all I can’t say much this is my third marriage.  However, I do know; all I’ve ever done in my life was for my children and now my grandchildren.  So when what appeared to be a level thinking wonderful guy came into our family to date my granddaughter; we thought he had great potential for a friendship which could be more in the future for our granddaughter.  And when he started talking about meeting his family and being exclusive to each other, we thought she had found a boyfriend who was honest, forthright and could be Mr. Right.

Believing everything he told her regarding his feelings added to a false security for the optimism of being together.  He never once spoke of a relationship with anyone else.  He had an X girlfriend and son in another state.  He was considerate about her and told us all how much he loved is son.  That he was going to move closer to his home so he could see him more when he was able.  And he was committed to sharing his income with his baby so his child had a chance for successful future.

This beside the long conversations and great times they had gave a false expectation of the integrity this guy had in our opinion; and then when two young people progress to an intimate encounter and my granddaughter got pregnant.  We were sure he’d think about doing the right thing for this baby. 

Maybe not get married right away, however, stay together get to know each other further and see if there was hope for a life as a family.  Surely he wasn’t going to leave another woman and have two children living without their father under the same roof. This presumably kind, gentle, and steady man would rise to his occasion.  We were convinced and sadly so was my granddaughter he could be the one. 

Unfortunately she was beginning to fall in love with him.  Her hopes were high.  She was convinced she’d met her knight in shining armor and even though they didn’t know each other all that long there was likelihood they could be together.  And when she considered the baby, she thought he would want to be together and make a home for their child.

Let me cut to the chase, because as you suspect it’s not like that any more.  Kids are resistant to starting families and taking on obligations. Marriage is low on their list and considering what our parents did when a baby was on the horizon it’s a hard pill to swallow for us old timers. Why should they change their plans just because there’s going to be a baby?  I wonder if somehow as parents we weren’t able to teach our children the importance of a baby.  That perhaps using protection could prevent them from being in this dilemma.  And by two young people taking a chance and not using precautions’ they would make a baby and have the financial and emotional obligation for the rest of their lives. 

So when my granddaughter found out two weeks before she was going to visit her boyfriend; he would announce he had just married someone else.  It was the shock of her entire life crashing in on her heart, soul and mind.  She had no idea there was a third person in his life and chaos and disbelief immediately overcame our whole family. 

So where are we today?  She is well into her fourth month.  Healthy and trying to accept what has happened.  The father of her baby is married, it wasn’t a hoax or bad joke. It was reality and disbelief still hard to accept even as time passes.

I’m wondering what will happen when she delivers and what his new wife think about his past.  Two girls, and two babies and now a wife to take care of; this man certainly has filled his life with obligations. 

And my granddaughter is heartbroken, not so much because she lost the love of her life.  I think that would have taken more time to be sure, however, what she and the baby’s future will be with the father.  Someone who was not up front with what was going on in his life and the stories he told her. Now wondering how she’ll get through this and grow stronger for her baby.  That’s what mothers do.  They move forward and become rocks for their family.  It’s a tradition we pray we’ll see with my granddaughter.  We’ll be there for the sad times and the good times giving her whatever guidance she needs.

Meanwhile, we ask ourselves what we have done to our children regarding the truth verses a lie.  Is there anyone willing to live up to their obligations and commitments and be honest as to what they are really thinking?  Concluding fault for this is fruitless.  It took two and three will suffer. Therefore as a family, we come together and hope we can help her with the precious blessing when it comes.  Love and help her decide a future which will assure them they’ll have what they need.  It won’t be easy; my daughter is heart sick for her daughter.  We all are.  We wanted the old traditional wedding, with cake, laughter, and joy.   We’ll come together as a family and with God’s help everything will work out over time. 

Regarding the dad…let the chips fall where they may…