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Marriage, shmarriage!

11 February 2010 30 Comments

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Are you really here forever?

Every time, I see the commercial for selling expensive jewelry or Hallmark Cards, where the man looks into the eyes of his lover and says I’ll be here forever, I wonder is it true or do the new statistics reflect relationships don’t last as long as we think. The words seem to fit when we say them, and then we grow apart heading in different directions and after five or ten years the breakups are not always nice and most of the time it’s the kids who really suffer, broken homes, terrible feelings and the winners seem to be the lawyers.

Thus, should we consider five or ten year contracts which are renewable and recognize not much is everlasting anymore, or am I being a pessimist that marriage and relationships are doing well and the tradition is strong and the family is eternal, what do you think do you see your friends in unwavering places in their families or is it true some day we might not bother getting married just make sure we provide for our children and move on when we get bored according to the terms of the contract or will we continue with the big weddings, brides and grooms professing their undying love for each other as long as we can and moving on as soon as the going gets tough, if that’s the case what can we do to teach our kids that forever means forever no matter how tough life gets, or is that just a dream and not possible what do you think? I’m convinced we’re in the heat of a generation that stay while it feels good and if there is the slightest strife they move on and I think it’s our job to help them understand what a commitment really means.

30 Comments »

Jen said:

As someone who has been divorced twice I think having a ten yr contract might not be a bad thing. I don’t buy any man’s “forever” anymore. But if married and the contract was about to expire it might make the marriage seem worth something more. Did I mention that since divorcing my ex husband divorced me he is always around? Seems he realized he had a good thing, a little late but, whatever.

On the other hand we are living longer and we change as we get older. Our tastes are different than when we were in our twenties. It’s common for people to grow apart.

I don’t know the answer.

# 11 February 2010 at 7:44 pm

Heather said:

Whoever came up with that word “Forever”, surely didn’t have a clue what the future was going to be like.
Take a marriage in the 1800’s, life expectancy for the middle class to poverty was only in their fifties. We have so much more luxaries now, we don’t depend on each other like they did back then. Todays forever can be a much longer time now and with less togetherness for survival.
Men would cheat on their wives and the wives dealt with it. Men would beat their wives and again they dealt with it and hid it. Women today would never put up with that stuff.

Why we say forever anymore, is beyond me. A contract, I’m not so sure. I don’t think I would be comfortable with knowing my hubby could decide to not renew. We just always keep in mind, that divorce is not an option. That has kept us on track to work things out.

Great post, sorry I got carried away with the comment. Thanks for visiting my page.

# 12 February 2010 at 12:36 am

Walter said:

Marriage is a test of character. All of our vulnerabilities will be tested, and depending upon our capability to change and adopt, we will not last.

# 12 February 2010 at 1:53 am

Rudy said:

“… our job to help them understand what a commitment really means.”

Commitment, the meaning even the word itself almost disappear from now day relationships. Personal ego and life reality play some part to blind it. You are excellent to pull this essential part back on the surface. Thanks grandma.

# 12 February 2010 at 6:11 am

Connie said:

I have always felt that marriage should be forever. It takes both parties working together to make it happen. If not, it’s a miserable existence and you’re right, the kids suffer one way or another.

# 12 February 2010 at 9:18 am

Momisodes said:

Now that I’m married, I can certainly see that it may not be for everyone. I agree with you in that this generation is more likely stay while things are good and don’t hesitate to move on if things get tough.

# 12 February 2010 at 11:59 pm

Loz said:

As one whi is once divorced let me say that sometimes the best choice is to leave, but only those in the relationship can really say what is best for them.

# 13 February 2010 at 3:25 am

Jean-Luc Picard said:

As people do believe marriage is forever, then many get complacent after getting wed. netChick sent me here.

# 13 February 2010 at 5:29 am

Carmi said:

We’ve seen a number of friends over the last year go through separation and divorce, so your words hit me especially hard. In all cases, they were friends who we thought would always be together. Which reinforces the sad truth that there really are no forevers anymore.

I believe it’s a spectrum, of sorts. It works for some – for those willing to invest in it and lucky enough to have met the right one – but not for others. I take nothing for granted in my own marriage, and as much as I know my wife is the one I was meant to be with, I do everything I can every day of my life to let her know just how much I want our marriage to work.

Nothing, after all, is a given.

# 13 February 2010 at 5:33 pm

Denise@TogetherWeSave said:

Not sure anyone really know what forever means.

# 14 February 2010 at 12:01 am

Grampy said:

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day young Lady.

# 14 February 2010 at 5:18 am

Anya said:

Wishing you a Valentine’s Day
filled with love
and the tender sound
of a voice that gives you comfort…..

Happy Valentine’s Day

((hugs)) Kareltje =^.^=

# 14 February 2010 at 5:25 am

Grampa Ken for social change said:

We enter marriage without preparation or realizing just how tough it can be. Some ideas and habits can be easy to overlook while others can be very annoying and upsetting. Parting ways might seem inevitable, but by accepting certain personal conditions as permanent they can become more acceptable and even a non issue with time.

Joseph Addison put it this way: “Two persons who have chosen each other out of all the species with a design to be each other’s mutual comfort and entertainment have, in that action, bound themselves to be good-humored, affable, discreet, forgiving, patient, and joyful, with respect to each other’s frailties and perfections, to the end of their lives.”

We wish.

# 14 February 2010 at 10:32 am

askcherlock said:

What I am seeing in my children’s generation is that many of them are waiting longer before they commit to marriage and then they seem to stay together. I had always told my children that they should wait till they were 30 before they got married. Out of the four of them, two did and two were married earlier, though they are very strong marriages. Maybe they took a look at our generation, the one that flitted in and out of marriage and divorce and decided they would do better. I hope so….

# 14 February 2010 at 1:24 pm

Susie's Homemade said:

I think it is sad that marriage isn’t lasting. I mean, can you trust nothing now?

# 14 February 2010 at 4:29 pm

Darlene said:

Stopping by to wish you and your loved ones a Happy Valentine’s Day.♥

# 14 February 2010 at 5:42 pm

Miss Fanny said:

You make an excellent point. My marriage failed, but not after many tries to work things out. It was very difficult to walk away…especially with kids in the picture. I hope that my daughter has learned from my mistakes and will do better than her momma. Thanks for visiting me at http://www.fanningflashes.com. I gave me a great reason to come visit you and I am glad I did. I’m signing to follow. Happy Valentine’s Day!

# 14 February 2010 at 6:37 pm

Alicia said:

I feel like that this generation does not value marriage like before. It’s “all about me” attitude instead of “dying to self.” I think it’s our job as parents to instill the values of our faith and importance of marriage and commitment.

# 14 February 2010 at 7:49 pm

Donald Swarbrick said:

Some people are lucky and settle down with the right person first time. Most of us make the mistake of thinking we have the right person, and marry for all the wrong reasons.
I met the right girl when I was sixteen but let her go and had to wait another 38 years to make it right, but when it works out it’s fantasic, no matter how long it takes.
The only problem then is “nothing lasts forever.”

# 15 February 2010 at 5:31 am

DorothyL said:

We live in a generation of quick fixes and give me a paycheck without the job description… it is no surprise that the true meaning of commitment has changed.

Our culture is of fast and now…to actually work at something and be proud of the finished product is totally gone by the wayside.
People take no pride in anything character building anymore..it is all about the latest new car, computer program or leather couch….ect. Hence that material world syndrome.
When stuff or things become more important or self-gratifying than the smiles on a loved ones face…it removes the need for a relationship of love and commitment.
Relationships have moved into a level of mere acquaintance.

Do people really look at the big picture anymore as in sharing a life and a future? I think not. People put more energy in hating and hurting than they do working together to find a balance of happiness and compatibility.

Yet another end result of how the need for greed and power has blinded the true meaning of human nature. Through that blindness we have lost what was once a clear path toward our purpose in life …that being family, love and happiness.

# 15 February 2010 at 8:49 am

C said:

I really think that love is created in Heaven but marriage is created by churches who want to make more money.

Enough said.

-C

# 16 February 2010 at 1:43 am

C said:

I really think that love is created in Heaven but marriage is created by people in churches and other religious organizations and leaders who want to make more money.

Enough said.

-C

# 16 February 2010 at 1:44 am

One of The Guys said:

This is an absolutely great post! Witty, but right to the heart of the matter! No pun intended.

We definitely live in a “Me” first society. If it feels good to ME then it’s all good. If not, I’m outta here.

And of course as we know, good things often take hard work, dedication and more importantly devotion and faith. Not religious faith, but faith in the other person, or in the institution in general. Faith, that things will work out.

However, that being said, people do drift apart. Tastes and interests change. People evolve and change and head in different directions. But if that happens, they should make life as EASY as possible for the kids. Separation is never ideal for kids.

I’m a big believer in responsibility, especially as parents.

Love this!!

# 16 February 2010 at 6:27 am

PJ said:

i am guilty of the words “forever and ever” coming out of my mouth in relationships. at the time i believed it, but it has never worked out that way. it seems that after the initial honeymoon stage is over with things change and get boring. it is not just the fault of one, but a combination of both of the parties. i guess if it is meant to be it will be. i will never get married, that much i know.

have a great day dorothy…hugz!

# 16 February 2010 at 3:52 pm

Lyn said:

I’ve tossed out that same idea, having contracts that are renewable only with the signature of both parties. Get the lawyers out of it, for sure.

I am a retired Clinical Social Worker. When I counseled couples, I usually found that their idea of “being in love” was different that my own understanding. Most of them reflected something close to “the thrill is gone.” When I asked pointed questions about trust, comfort, doing for the other,predictability, feeling safe, knowing that person will be there when something goes wrong, they usually agreed with most of that. But they wanted the trilling feeling of butterflies, like when love is new. Rarely could I convince them to consider the value of the comfort in the relationship and to enjoy the butterflies when they came along. We have become so adrenaline-addicted in our society. Heck we all like the thrilling feelings, but I can say the parts of my marriage that were best were the feeling of him always being there fore me.

Times they are a-changin’.

# 16 February 2010 at 7:36 pm

suzen said:

Good questions! And I like the variety in the comments too! I’ve always thought that people get married for a lot of the wrong reasons and without a slap of reality – therefore, if I were in charge of the world, I’d make people live together for five years FIRST, no kids during this time period, just concentrate on the adjustment of the whole thing. If you make it – fine – then get married – but for godsake do it with your eyes open!

By the way, I LOVE the photo you posted with this! VERY funny!

Thanks for the visit to my blog!
Hugs
suZen

# 17 February 2010 at 9:58 am

Fatima Da said:

Great post, and I can only speak from own experience. Marriage like my mother did say then is an institution for life..If I will be saying that to my children I do not know at this point. Having been married for over 10 years if feels as though it’s an institution of endurance but I must say has it benefits.

# 17 February 2010 at 2:35 pm

christina said:

LOVE THIS. I am a newlywed but agree word for word

# 18 February 2010 at 11:08 pm

meleah rebeccah said:

as someone who has NEVER been married and as someone that may be referred to as a hopeless romantic, I do believe in ‘true love forever’. of course, I am probably being naive.

# 21 February 2010 at 1:47 pm